CHAPTER V.
DOMESTIC LIFE.
COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE CUSTOMS.
§ 80. Age of puberty and marriage.—It is now customary for girls to be married at the age of fifteen, sixteen, or seventeen years among the Omahas, and in the Ponka tribe they generally take husbands as soon as they enter their fifteenth year. It was not so formerly; men waited till they were twenty-five or thirty, and the women till they were twenty years of age. Then, when a consort was spoken of they used to refer the matter to their friends, who discussed the characters of the parties, and advised accordingly, as they proved good (i. e., industrious and good-tempered, and having good kindred) or bad. Sometimes an Omaha girl is married at the age of fourteen or fifteen; but in such a case her husband waits about a year for the consummation of the marriage. When a girl matures rapidly she is generally married when she is sixteen; but those who are slow to mature marry when they reach seventeen. (See § [97].)
Dougherty states (in Long's Expedition to the Rocky Mountains, vol. 1, p. 230) that "In the Omawhaw nation numbers of females are betrothed in marriage from their infancy. * * * Between the ages of nine and twelve years the young wife is occasionally an invited visitant at the lodge of her husband, in order that she may become familiarized with his company and his bed." But such is not the case among the Omahas according to La Flèche and Two Crows, who say that Dougherty referred to a Kansas custom.
§ 81. Courtship.—The men court the women either directly or by proxy. The women used to weigh the matter well, but now they hasten to marry any man that they can get. Sometimes the girl told her kindred and obtained their advice. Parents do not force their daughters to marry against their will. Sometimes a girl refuses to marry the man, and the parents cannot compel her to take him. All that they can do is to give her advice: "Here is a good young man. We desire you to marry him." Or they may say to the people, "We have a single daughter, and it is our wish to get her married." Then the men go to court her. Should the parents think that the suitor is not apt to make her a good husband they return his presents. Suitors may curry favor with parents and kindred of the girl by making presents to them, but parents do not sell their daughters. The presents made for such a purpose are generally given by some old man who wishes to get a very young girl whom he is doubtful of winning. When a man courts the girl directly this is unnecessary. Then he gives what he pleases to her kindred, and sometimes they make presents to him.
When men reach the age of forty years without having courted any one the women generally dislike them, and refuse to listen to them. The only exception is when the suitor is beneficent. Such a man gets his father to call four old men, by whom he sends four horses to the lodge of the girl's father. If the latter consents and the girl be willing he consults his kindred, and sends his daughter, with four horses from his own herd, to the lodge of the suitor's father. The latter often calls a feast, to which he invites the kindred of the girl, as well as those of his son. When the girl is sent away by her parents she is placed on one of the horses, which is led by an old man. There is not always a feast, and there is no regular marriage ceremony.
A man of twenty-five or thirty will court a girl for two or three years. Sometimes the girl pretends to be unwilling to marry him, just to try his love, but at last she usually consents.
Sometimes, when a youth sees a girl whom he loves, if she be willing, he says to her, "I will stand in that place. Please go thither at night." Then after her arrival he enjoys her, and subsequently asks her of her father in marriage. But it was different with a girl who had been petulant, one who had refused to listen to the suitor at first. He might be inclined to take his revenge. After lying with her, he might say, "As you struck me and hurt me, I will not marry you. Though you think much of yourself, I despise you." Then would she be sent away without winning him for her husband; and it was customary for the man to make songs about her. In these songs the woman's name was not mentioned unless she had been a "minckeda," or dissolute woman.
One day in 1872, when the writer was on the Ponka Reservation in Dakota, he noticed several young men on horseback, who were waiting for a young girl to leave the Mission house. He learned that they were her suitors, and that they intended to run a race with her after they dismounted. Whoever could catch her would marry her; but she would take care not to let the wrong one catch her. La Flèche and Two Crows maintain that this is not a regular Ponka custom, and they are sure that the girl (a widow) must have been a "minckeda."