CHAPTER X.
Of his temptations, conflicts and various exercises of soul.
IT is a point of wisdom, well worthy our [♦]pursuit, to know what in the course of our experience we ought to ascribe to God, to angels, whether good or evil, and to ourselves. How greatly would it contribute to prevent many evil reasonings and self-tormenting consternations? And it is a point of knowledge to which the children of the kingdom do actually attain through faith and prayer.
[♦] “pusuit” replaced with “pursuit”
The following few particulars, in the course of the experience of this man of God, which are ascribed to the agency of the power of darkness, are (among an infinity of other instances in the world) sufficient proofs of the attempts of those malicious spirits, to steal and to destroy, to rob us of the grace of God, and to destroy our souls.
Concerning the variety of inward conflicts which he went through, he often took notice that they were greatest on the Lord’s day; and says on the occasion, “Lord I am more afflicted on thy day, than on any other. Thou knowest the cause. If it be the enemy that afflicts me, do thou rebuke him; let him have no power over my body or soul. And O give me thy meek, and long-suffering mind to bear whatsoever burden thou permittest to come upon me.”
He observes likewise, When I have most life and power in preaching, then the devil and sin muster all their force, and thrust sore at me. But hitherto God has preserved me both from the great offence, and from misery and dejection.
The instances of the resistance he found in the time of preaching from invisible powers, were highly remarkable. He has sometimes started in amaze, at horrible injections, concerning God, or Christ, or some fundamental article of the Christian religion; even then, while he has been powerfully asserting, proving, and enforcing it. I have often heard him say, there was not a single divine truth, in the which he was then established, for which he had not fought, resisting as it were unto blood. For he would take nothing upon trust; nor see with the eyes of others. He derived his sentiments, from the fountain head. His best things came from God in the way of labour and striving.
He has been sometimes deprived of the use of some of his senses, during the very time of preaching: once in particular, 1751. In the midst of his discourse, he, in an instant lost his eye-sight and fell back in the pulpit, yet retaining, during the whole time, the perfect use of his understanding: he however, soon recovered, and finished his sermon. He believed, [♦]and was not confounded.