He intermingled with these and other like expressions, many pathetic counsels to those that were about him; particularly to my children and servants. He applied himself to some of my younger children at this time; calling them to him, and speaking to them one by one; setting before them in a very plain manner, the nature of true piety, and its great importance; earnestly warning them not to rest in any thing short of that true and thorough change of heart, and a life devoted to God; counselling them not to be slack in the great business of religion, nor in the least to delay it; enforcing his counsels with this, that his words were the words of a dying man; said he, “I shall die here, and here shall I be buried, and here you will see my grave, and do you remember what I have said to you. I am going into eternity: the endlessness of it makes it sweet: but Oh, what shall I say to the eternity of the wicked! I cannot mention it, nor think of it; the thought is too dreadful. When you see my grave, then remember what I said to you when I was alive; then think with yourself how the man that lies in that grave, counselled and warned me to prepare for death.”
His body seemed to be marvelously strengthened, through the inward vigour of his mind; so that, although before he was so weak he could hardly utter a sentence, yet now he continued his most affecting discourse for more than an hour, with scarce any intermission; and said of it, when he had done, “it was the last sermon that ever he should preach.”
[It appears by what is noted in his diary, both of this day and the evening preceeding, that his mind was at this time much impressed with a sense of the importance of the work of the ministry, and the need of the grace of God, and his special assistance in this work; and it also appeared in what he expressed in conversation; particularly in his discourse to his brother Israel, who was then a member of Yale-college at New-Haven, and had been prosecuting his studies there, to the end that he might be fitted for the work of the ministry, and was now with him. He now, and from time to time, recommended to his brother a life of self-denial, of weanedness from the world, and devotedness to God, and an earnest endeavour to obtain much of the grace of God’s Spirit, and God’s gracious influences on his heart; representing the great need which ministers stand in of them, and the unspeakable benefit of them from his own experience. Among many other expressions he said, *“When ministers feel these gracious influences on their hearts, it wonderfully assists them to come at the consciences of men, and as it were to handle them with their hands; whereas, without them, whatever reason and oratory we make use of, we do but make use of stumps instead of hands.”]
Monday, September 21. I began to correct a little volume of my private writings: God, I believe, remarkably helped me in it: my strength was [♦]surprisingly lengthened out, my thoughts quick and lively, and my soul refreshed, hoping it might be a work for God. Oh, how good, how sweet it is to labour for God!
[♦] “suprisingly” replaced with “surprisingly”
Tuesday, September 22. I was again employed in reading and correcting, and had the same success, as the day before. I was exceeding weak; but it seemed to refresh my soul thus to spend my time.
Wednesday, September 23. I finished my corrections of the little piece forementioned, and felt uncommonly peaceful: it seemed as if I had now done all my work in this world, and stood ready for my call to a better. *As long as I see any thing to be done for God, life is worth having: but Oh, how vain and unworthy it is, to live for any lower end!
Friday, September 25. This day I was unspeakably weak, and little better than speechless all the day: however, I was able to write a little, and felt comfortably. Oh, it refreshed my soul, to think of former things, of desires to glorify God, of the pleasures of living to him! “Oh my dear God, I am speedily coming to thee, I hope! Hasten the day, O Lord, if it be thy blessed will: Oh come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen.”[¹]
[¹] This was the last that ever he wrote in his diary with his own hand: though it is continued a little farther, in a broken manner; written by his brother Israel, but indited by his mouth.
September 27. He felt an unusual appetite to food; with which his mind seemed to be exhilarated, as a sign of the very near approach of death. He said upon it, “I was born on a sabbath-day; and I have reason to think I was new-born on a sabbath-day; and I hope I shall die on this sabbath-day; I shall look upon it as a favour, if it may be the will of God that it should be so: I long for the time. Oh, why is the chariot so long in coming? why tarry the wheels of his chariot? I am very willing to part with all: I am willing to part with my dear brother John, and never to see him again, to go to be for ever with the Lord. Oh, when I go there, how will God’s dear church on earth be upon my mind!”