Lord’s-day, October 23. I had some freedom and warmth, both parts of the day. And my people were very attentive. In the evening, two or three came to me under concern for their souls; to whom I was enabled to discourse closely, and with some earnestness.
[He seems, through the whole of this week, to have been greatly engaged to fill up every inch of time in the service of God, and to have been most diligently employed in study, prayer, and instructing the Indians; and from time to time expresses longings of soul after God, and the advancement of his kingdom.]
Monday, October 31. My soul was so lifted up to God, that I could pour out my desires to him, for more grace and further degrees of sanctification, with abundant freedom. I longed to be more abundantly prepared for that blessedness, with which I was then in some measure refreshed.
Thursday, November 3. I spent this day in secret fasting and prayer, from morning till night. Early in the morning, I had some assistance in prayer. Afterwards, I read the story of Elijah the prophet, 1 Kings xvii. xviii. and xix. chapters. My soul was much moved, observing the faith, zeal, and power of that holy man; and how he wrestled with God in prayer. I then cried with Elisha, “Where is the Lord God of Elijah!” I longed for more faith! My soul breathed after God, and pleaded with him, that a “double portion of that spirit,” which was given to Elijah, might “rest on me.” And that which was refreshing to my soul, was, I saw God is the same that he was in the days of Elijah.—I was enabled to wrestle with God by prayer, in a more affectionate, humble, and importunate manner, than I have for many months past. Nothing seemed too hard for God to perform; nothing too great for me to hope for from him.—I had for many months lost all hopes of doing any special service for God in the world; it appeared entirely impossible, that one so vile should be thus employed for God. But at this time God was pleased to revive this hope.—Afterwards I read the third chapter of Exodus and on to the xxth, and saw more of the glory and majesty of God discovered in those chapters, than ever I had seen before; frequently in the mean time falling on my knees, and crying to God for the faith of Moses, and for a manifestation of the divine glory. My soul was ardent in prayer, and I was enabled to wrestle for myself, for my friends, and for the church of God. And I felt more desire to see the power of God in the conversion of souls, than I have done for a long season. Blessed be God for this season of fasting and prayer! May his goodness always abide with me, and draw my soul to him!
*Monday November 7. This morning my mind was solemn, fixed, affectionate, and ardent in desires after holiness; and felt full of tenderness and love; and my affections seemed to be dissolved into kindness and softness.—My soul longed after God, and cried to him with filial freedom, reverence, and boldness. O that I might be entirely consecrated and devoted to God!
Thursday, November 10. I spent this day in fasting and prayer. In the morning I was dull and lifeless: But after some time, reading 2 Kings xix. chapter, my soul was moved and affected. I saw there was no way for the afflicted to take, but to go to God with all their sorrows. Hezekiah, in his great distress, went and spread his complaint before the Lord. I was then enabled to see the mighty power of God, and my extreme need of that power; and to cry to God affectionately and ardently for his power to be exercised towards me.
[The remaining part of this week, and the two following weeks, he was very ill, and full of pain; and yet obliged, to be at great fatigues, travelling day and night, in stormy and severe seasons. He from time to time, within this space, speaks of out-goings of soul after God; his heart strengthened in God; seasons of divine sweetness and comfort. And yet there are many complaints of lifelessness, distance from God, and unprofitableness. But still there appears a constant care, from day to day, not to lose time, but to employ it all for God.]
Tuesday, November 29. I began to study the Indian tongue, with Mr. Sergeant at [♦]Stockbridge.[¹]—I was perplexed for want of more retirement.—I love to live alone in my own little cottage, where I can spend much time in prayer.
[♦] “Stockbrige” replaced with “Stockbridge”
[¹] The commissioners had directed him to spend much time this winter with Mr. Sergeant, to learn the language of the Indians; which necessitated him very often to ride, backwards and forwards, twenty miles through the uninhabited woods between Stockbridge and Kaunaumeek. This many times exposed him to extreme hardship in that severe season.