*Wednesday, January 4. Time appeared a moment, life a vapour, and all its enjoyments as empty bubbles, and fleeting blasts of wind.
*Friday, January 6. Feeling my extreme weakness, and want of grace, I set apart this day for fasting and prayer, neither eating nor drinking from evening to evening. And my soul intensely longed, that the dreadful spots and stains of sin may be washed away. My mind was greatly fixed on divine things: my resolutions for a life of mortification, continual watchfulness, self-denial, seriousness, and devotion to God, were strong and fixed; my desires ardent and intense: my conscience tender and afraid of every appearance of evil. My soul was grieved with the reflection on my past levity, and want of resolution for God. I solemnly renewed my dedication of myself to God, and longed for grace to enable me always to keep covenant with him.
Saturday, January 14. This morning I enjoyed a solemn season in prayer: my soul seemed enlarged, to pour out itself to God for grace, and for every blessing I wanted, for myself, my dear Christian friends, and for the church of God; and I was so enabled to see him who is invisible, that my soul rested upon him for the performance of every thing I asked. It was my happiness, to “continue instant in prayer.” My soul was “strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.” I longed exceedingly for angelic holiness, and to have all my thoughts, at all times employed in heavenly things. O how blessed is an heavenly temper! O how unspeakably blessed it is to feel a measure of that rectitude, in which we were at first created!
[The next day he speaks of some glimpses he had of the divine glories; but seems to be filled with fears lest he should return to a life of vanity, to please himself with some of the enjoyments of this world; and speaks of his being much troubled that he should address immortal souls with no more ardency and desire of their salvation.]
Saturday, February 4. I enjoyed freedom and spiritual refreshment; was enabled to pray with fervency, and longing desires for Zion’s prosperity, and my faith and hope seem to take hold of God, for the performance of what I was enabled to plead for. Sanctification in myself, and the ingathering of God’s elect, was all my desire; and the hope of its accomplishment, all my joy.
Monday, February 6. This morning, my soul was strengthened in God, and found sweet repose in him; longing especially for the complete mortification of sensuality and pride, and for resignation to God’s dispensations, at all times, as through grace I felt it at this time. And I did not desire deliverance from any difficulty, unless God was willing.
Tuesday, February 7. I was much engaged in meditation on the powers and affections of the godly soul in their pursuit of their beloved object: wrote something of the native language of spiritual sensation, in its soft and tender whispers; declaring, that it now “feels and tastes that the Lord is gracious;” that he is the supreme good, the only satisfying happiness; that he is a complete, sufficient, and Almighty portion: saying,
*“Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee. O, I feel it is heaven to please him, and to be just what he would have me to be! O that my soul were holy, as he is holy! O that it were pure, even as Christ is pure: and perfect, as my Father in heaven is perfect! These, I feel, are the sweetest commands in God’s book, comprising all others. And shall I break them! Must I break them! Am I under a necessity of it as long as I live in the world![¹] O my soul, wo, wo is me that I am a sinner, because I grieve and offend this blessed God, who is infinite in goodness and grace! Oh methinks, if he would punish me for my sins, it would not wound my heart so deep to offend him: but though I sin continually, yet he continually repeats his kindness to me! I could bear any suffering; but how can I bear to grieve and dishonour this blessed God! How shall I yield ten thousand times more honour to him? What shall I do to glorify this best of beings? O that I could consecrate myself, soul and body, to his service for ever! O that I give up myself to him, so as never more to attempt to be my own, or to have any will or affections that are not perfectly [♦]conformed to him! But, alas, alas! I cannot be thus entirely devoted to God.[²] O ye angels, do ye glorify him incessantly; and if possible, prostrate yourselves lower before the blessed King of Heaven! I long to bear a part with you; and, if it were possible, to help you. Oh, when we have done all that we can, to all eternity, we shall not be able to offer the ten thousandth part of the homage that the glorious God deserves!”
[¹] No.
[♦] “confirmed” replaced with “conformed” per Errata