Thursday 12. My uncle’s text was Proverbs xxiii. 23. During the first part, my mind was pretty much stayed, but towards the latter end it was much drawn off by a thing which probably may never happen. O for a stayed, and composed mind in waiting upon God! Surely it is a great sin to have the mind wandering upon foolish things, when so immediately in the presence of God.
Saturday 14. This day, as well as the day before, my body was much disordered. In the evening when I retired, I was humbled under a sense of past mercies received, and my own unfaithfulness to God. Sometimes I am all alive, I am so in earnest, so diligent in the means, and take such delight in them! Then one thing, or another steps in, is yielded to, and deprives me of all my life and earnestness. And though I do not neglect the means, yet how are they hurried over, and how slightly performed! And indeed I am often glad when they are finished. Lord, what is man? What am I? What a poor unstable creature! Lord, quicken me! Make me more alive, more in earnest. Lord make me, and keep me, what I ought, what I want to be.
Saturday 21. All this week, I have experienced a stayedness of mind, and a degree of recollection for which I desire to be thankful. But alas! I do not find that earnestness, that hungering and thirsting which I did. Lord what is the cause? O remove it whatever it be! Remove the accursed thing, which separates between thee and my soul. On Saturday night, the Lord was pleased to shew me the thing which had quenched that earnestness, and I am not sensible that I have this week yielded to it. O what a good God is ours! He shewed me my sin: he gave me to feel remorse for it, and then imparted power to subdue it. Lord give me a thankful heart.
Sunday 22. This morning I was much affected in reading the 15th verse of the 4th chapter of the Hebrews. For we have not an high priest who cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities: for he was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. O what comfortable words, especially when the enemy is pouring in floods of temptation upon us; at such a time how sweet is the meditation upon such words! How comfortable the reflection that our God knows, and not only knows but sympathizes with us in all our afflictions, distresses, and temptations; and will assuredly deliver us out of them! O may this scripture be ever present with my mind, and may it prove a comfort to me in trials, while it also hinders me from yielding to my spiritual enemy, by assuring me that Jesus is ever able and willing to help me.
Wednesday 25. I was impressed with a sense of gratitude to God for sending his Son into the world, to be born of a pure virgin, and in a mean manger, and all to rescue me from endless woe. O that my heart may never for one moment, lose the sense of this great and inestimable blessing.
*Sunday 29. I was not very well, and stayed at home with my friend Miss H—— who was in great affliction for the loss of poor, or rather happy little Ned H——. He died of a scarlet-fever a week ago. O that I was as safely landed on the happy shore! But alas! I am still in an evil world, and liable to crosses and temptations: Yea liable to fall from grace when I get it, and perhaps to be lost for ever? Lord preserve me, and when I die, O let me die unto thee.
Tuesday 31. The watch-night was to last till half past twelve: but we came home between ten and eleven. I would not go to bed till near twelve, spending the time in prayer and meditation. Lord make me truly thankful for thy mercy, in bringing me to the conclusion of another year, and grant that I may spend the ensuing year to the glory of thy blessed name, through Jesus Christ.
Wednesday, January 1. I awoke in a lukewarm state, and though I endeavoured to pray, yet it was not with that life and fervency I desired. O how many have been cut off in the last year, and I am yet upon praying ground! Lord spare me yet another year, and O let it be spent so, as will shew my gratitude to thee, for this undeserved mercy.
Thursday 2. I was to my great concern overcome by a trifling spirit. O how is it that I am so soon off my watch, that the enemy so frequently gets the better! O God give me, I beseech thee for thy Son’s sake, a recollected, serious, praying spirit.
Friday 3. My soul was in a more recollected frame than the foregoing day. Lord make me thankful even for this mercy.