Wednesday 22. I still found earnest desires, and my soul to be all on a stretch for God. Lord continue this blessing, till thou impart to me that which my soul desireth, even thy blessed self. Then shall I be possessed of all that is desirable in earth or heaven.
*Friday 24. Upon a strict self-examination, I trust, I may say, I have made some progress in the heavenly journey, within this last three months; for these reasons, I find more power over sin, even my besetting sins have not dominion over me. And if thro’ unwatchfulness I yield to them, my heart is broken on account thereof, and I endeavour to be more watchful for the future. I find more delight in the ordinances of God, and a more stayed, composed mind in waiting upon him; and when wandering thoughts assault me, I find power to resist them. I have more power to plead the promises in prayer; my desires are more earnest, and I have a more watchful spirit during the day: if I deceive myself, the Lord knoweth it is not willingly. I sincerely desire to be tried, and to know the worst of my state. Lord, search well if there be any way of wickedness in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Thursday 30. I was rather cold and dead this day. O what is the cause of this instability? Lord shew it to me for Jesus’s sake, tho’ not for mine, and make me in earnest. I found my soul something quickened at night, while my uncle was preaching on these words. Only believe. Mark v. 36.
Friday 31. I was much tempted to fretfulness this morning, but thro’ mercy was restrained from letting it break out into words or actions, thanks be to God for this; as also that I found a degree of liberty in prayer.
Monday, February 3. When I awoke this morning, I found an earnest desire to spend the day to the glory of God. I soon found myself stripped of all my strength, and a trifling spirit prevailed over me. Lord, I bring this besetting sin to thee. Thou knowest ’tis my grief, my burden. Lord give me power over it.
Saturday 8. All this week I have been hindered going to chapel by reason of a bad cold. And as to the state of my soul, I know not what to say. Sometimes I have been groaning under my unbelief; sometimes cold and dead, yet I find a hope left, that I, even I, shall yet rejoice in the God of my salvation: that I shall find his favour, and taste an earnest of eternal bliss; Amen, Lord Jesus. But Lord make me in earnest, make me alive to thee. I cannot bear this instability, this halting between two opinions. Lord, I am convinced thou art God, O then let me serve thee.
Sunday 9. This morning being hindered attending the public means, I spent some time in private, and I found the Lord was willing to hear and answer prayer, for he enlarged my heart in that duty, and enabled me to pray with life and fervency; blessed be his name.
Sunday 16. This day I found much sweetness and enlargement in private duty, and my mind was in some measure staid on God. O for an heart to praise and love him for this, and all his mercies! The rest of the week I found my soul blest at different times, with a desire to wait upon God in private: it was profitable to me: which indeed I need never doubt, seeing he has promised that they that wait upon him shall renew their strength.
Friday 28. When I awoke this morning, I felt a thankfulness to God for safely bringing me to see the end of my fifteenth year, and for an earnest desire to spend the remainder of a short life to his glory. How time flies? It was but the other day since I was but a little infant, utterly unable to help myself: in this tender state the Lord provided me good parents and kind friends, whose constant care it has been, to train me up for heaven, and to dedicate me to him betimes. Now I am come to years of reason, should it not be my one endeavour, my constant aim to glorify God in my body and in my spirit, which are his by creation and redemption, as also by the early dedication which my dear parents made of me to him? Should I not from my heart ratify and confirm by my own act and deed, that which they promised on my behalf? Lord I am willing, I am truly willing so to do. Jesus Lord lend me thine aid, and I will devote myself to thee, body, soul, and spirit, a living sacrifice. Lend me thine aid, and I will take thee for my prophet, to teach me; my priest to atone for my sins, and my king to reign over me. Come dear Lord, and take me for thine own? Thine in time, and thine to eternity.
Monday, March 3. This week I have been confined by a severe cold, however I have not been remiss in private duties, though I have found little life in them. A sort of stupidity has overspread my mind, which has made me unfit for any duty. This I can account for no other way than by my disorder, which always throws me into this dull frame. O how this vile body weighs down the soul! How happy are those who are delivered from it!