Q.–Who waz the best dead beat?
A.–Cain: he dead beat his brother Abel.
He who by the plough would thrive,
Must no 2 forty kattle drive,
But worry the ground to and fro,
With horned kritters who skasely seem to go.
THE UNIVERSAL SWINE.
The Swine, (almost always) hav four legs, tho thare iz sum remarkable exceptshuns to this rule. Swine are good quiet boarders; they alwus eat what is sot before them, and don't ask enny phoolish questions. The Swine kan be larnt a great menny amusing things, sich az highsting the front gate oph from the hinges, and finding a hole in the fence to git into the cornfield, but it iz dredful hard work for them tew find the same hole tew git out at, espeshily if yu are in a hurry to hav them. This haz never bin fully explained, but speaks vollums for the swine. Swine can all root well, a swine that kant root well, iz a poor job.
HINTS TEW YUNG HUSBANDS.
1. Marriage iz a fair transackshun on the face of it.
2. Sum marry for buty, and never diskover their mistake; this iz lucky.