Tew make a slapjax that will do grate service,—cut it out ov buckskin, and fri it tew a koal black on a greaseless griddle.
Tew pick out a good husband!—shut up both eyes, grab hard, and trust in the Lord.
Tew make a kat mad,—trod on her continuashun.
Q.–Why iz woman like an echo?
A.–Bekauze she will hav the last word.
All nature bileth.
Roosters pant and so do lizzards;
The mules upon the dusty road
Kan't raise a trot, to save their gizzards.
THE DOOCED MONKEY.
The monkey iz only valuable tew look at, and wonder what in thunder he iz a going tew do next. He haz not got a Webster head, but hiz face iz a biled down dew drop ov malishus cunning. He resembles the skey terrier in the bild ov hiz features, and skratches his head az natral az the school boy,—and probably for similar reasons. They are sumtimes kept az pets, but if enny boddy should pet me with a monkey, i should send him right back bi the same person who brought him, marked with Baldwin The Clothiers trademark,—C. O. D.