HOROSKOPE FOR JANUARY.
The yung gentleman born this month will remane a bachelor untill hiz 16 year, and will hav kurly hair. He will finally settle down still, and marry for life. Hiz father will be a grate lover ov phast horses. He will liv tew be over 60 years ov age, and die worth about 750 dollars, klear ov awl debt.
The yung lady born this month will kno how tew pla on the pianner, and nit worsted. She will be a blondy, and be near sited, and fall in luv with grate diffikulty. She will finally git wedded tew the man she marrys, and her whole life will be eazy. If she marrys the seckond time her husband will be a dentist or an alderman.
ADVICE TEW YUNG KLERGYMEN.
Dont preach the gospel for less than 850 dollars a year, salary payable quarterly in advance.
A congregashun who kant afford tew pay 850 dollars a year, want a missionary more than they do a klergyman.
Be sure and run the church; don't let the church run you.
Az i sed up at the top, git az mutch ov yure salary az possible in advance, for i dont kno ov enny det so hard tew kollekt az a minister's salary, after it once gits kold.
