HOROSKOPE FOR FEBUARY.
The man born this month will be good looking, but too mutch prone tew toe in when he walks. He will hav 2 wifes, and a small hand, except when he plays whist; then he will hav a big one. Hiz fust wife will be kross-eyed, but hiz seckond one will be kross all over. He will hav 4 children, who will all pass through the meazles, with grate credit tew themselfs and no disgrace tew the meazles.
The yung female born during this month will show grate judgement in sorting her lovers, and will finally marry a real estate agent. She will hav a phew failings; but who cares? she wouldn't be interesting if she didn't. At 28 she will be a widow, and at stated intervals will be inklined tew gush a little. (For the sake of variety we say, let her gush.)
A GOOD FAMILY JOB.
(To kure bed bugs.)
Bile the bed bugs tew a gravy; then take equal parts ov sassyfrass rutes and mingle with the gravy; then find a hoel in the ground that aint occupied; then pour the gravy into the hoel; then fasten up the hoel with 2 pounds ov gunpowder; then tutch off the hoel with a 10 foot poel; then run like litening. If this don't kure the bed bugs, and the hoel too, they hav both got it the natral way, and kan't be healed.
Q.–What iz the surest gait on the road?
A.–A toll-gate.