HOROSKOPE FOR JULY.
The man mortal who cums tew the scratch this month will be a grate lover ov politikal life, and after menny stormy trips will settle in hiz natiff village a konstable, elekted by 19 majority. He will liv tew be ripe with old age, and hiz posterity will wonder how he managed tew spend a whole life in politiks, and keep out ov state prizon. (Hiz posterity probably aint aware that a term in state prizon iz a good kard tew run for offiss on.)
The girl born this month will flash like a streak ov yello sunshine. She will be sought after like the balm ov menny flowers. She will hav poetry for breakfast, and spend the rest ov the day on zephyrs and chocalate karamels. The man who gits her for a wife will change into a butterfly, and the two will be seen, sum sweet nite this month, flieing away to the song ov the crickets.
ADVICE TEW YOUNG MEN.
Dont be diskouraged if yure mustash dont gro; it sumtimes happens whare a mustash duz the best, nothing else duz so well.
Dont be afrade ov enny thing that iz honarable, and dont forget that the best friend that God haz given enny one iz hiz conscience.
Larn tew wait!—this iz a hard gait for a yung man tew travel, but iz the surest way tew git thare.