If you hav got sum wild oats (and a phew wont spile yu) git them in arly, and sow them deep, so they will rot in the ground.
Q.–Which are two ov the lost arts?
A.–Modesty, and good home-made bread.
To brake a mule, or yoke a steer,
Bob Fletcher waz a reddy lad;
He and his mother worked the farm—
Krewel deth had took away his dad.
HOROSKOPE FOR AUGUST.
The gentleman born this month will hav one eye to the main chance, and the other eye on the collatterals. He will be sharper than good cider vinegar, and will go at a transackshun like a skotch tarrier at a rat hole. He will be az honest az a hornet, and make az few blunders. He will liv tew be old. Hiz wife will die young—tired out trying tew keep up with him.
The feminine creashuns ov this month will be grate admirers ov the sterner sex. They will fall in luv easy, but will make az phew blunders az enny other wimmin. They will be guided bi the impulses ov their naturs, which in most wimmen iz a safer card than their judgements. If I hadnt got one ov the best wifes that the world haz yet produced, I should be inclined to ask (humbly) for one ov the August-as.