Better leave yure child virtew than money; but this iz a sekret known only tew a few.
I honestly beleave it iz better tew know nothing than two know what ain’t so.
About the hardest work a phellow kan do iz tew spark two galls at once, and preserve a good average.
Prudery iz one ov virtews bastards.
A nickname will outline enny man or thing; it iz like the crook in a dogg’s taile, you may cut it oph, and throw it behind the barn, but the crook is thare yet, and the stump iz the epitaph.
If yu analize what most men kall plezzure, yu will find it compozed ov one part humbugg, and two parts pain.
When yu haint got nothing tew do, do it at once; this iz the way to learn to be bizzy.
We hav bin told that the best way to overkum misfortunes iz tew fight with them—I hav tried both ways, and recommend a successful dodge.
The art ov becomeing ov importance in the eyes ov others, iz not tew overrate ourself, but tew cauze them tew do it.
The true way to understand the judgments ov heaven is to submit to them.