Religion in theze days, iz compozed ov vanity, and piety, and each man and woman iz a better judge ov the proportion than I am.

Lovers feed upon mysteries, but after they are married, and the pork and beans are brought on, they hav a fair chance tew test the real qualitys ov their appetights.

An insult tew one man iz an insult tew all, for it may be our turn next.

I don’t kno ov enny thing that would use the whole ov us up more thoroughly, than tew hev all ov our wishes gratified.

Thare iz 2 kinds ov obstinacy, obstinacy in the right, and obstinacy in the wrong, one iz the strength ov a grate mind, and the other iz the strength ov a little one.

Lazyness iz like mollassis, sweet and sticky.

I think a bear in hiz claws, iz prefarable tew one with gloves on.

I kant tell now which I admire least, an old coquett, or a young prude.

Misanthropy don’t pay—thare aint no man living whoze hate the world cares one cuss for.

Rash men ken be korrekted, but it dont pay to labour with a phool.