THE PRECISE MAN.
The “Precise Man,” sumtimes parts hiz hare in the middle, And when he duz, he kounts the hairs on each side ov hiz hed, 345 and splits sum, if it iz necessary, tew make the thing ded even.
If he iz a marrid man, everything must be jist so—if he iz a bachelor it must be more so.
He alwus sets a hen on 12 eggs, and haz a grate horror for all odd numbers.
He gits up at jist sitch a time in the morning, and goes tew bed at jist sitch a time at night, and would as soon think ov taking a dose ov striknine for the hikcups az tew kut oph a dogs tale when the moon waz in the laste quarter.
The precise man haz but phew branes, and they are az well broke az a setter dog’s, for he seldum makes a false point.
He iz a bundle of fakts and figgers, and iz az handy in the naberhood az a pair ov platform skales or a reddy rekoner.
He iz invariably an honest man, but often az mutch from pride az from principle.
He luvs hiz children, if he haz any, and would rather hav them perfekt in the multiplikashun table than in the Illiad ov Homer.
Hiz wife iz soon broke tew akt and think az he duz, and she iz known fur and near for the excellence ov her softe sope.