That i will respekt publik opinyun just az long az i kan respekt myself in doing it.
That when i hear a man bragging on hiz ansestors i won’t envy him, but i will pity the ansestors.
That i wont beleave in enny ghost or ghostesses unless they weigh about 140 pounds and can eat a good square meal.
That i won’t bet on nothing, for things that require betting on, lak sumthing.
That i will brag on mi wife all the time, but i will do it silently.
That i won’t be suprised at ennything, not even tew be told that Ben Franklin waz a spendthrift, or that Lazarus died ritch.
That i will dispize most things that i see, not out ov malice, but out ov wisdum.
That i won’t hanker for happiness, but if i see enny that i think iz a bargin i will shut up one eye and go for it.
That i won’t wish i waz az pure as King David, but that i was purer than i am.
That i won’t kovet enny man’s wife, nor hiz oxen, nor hiz kornstalks, nor the color ov hiz mustash.