Teach me mi kane tew whirl so pekuliar, and my mustash tew twist into such long draun out sweetness that all the people shall kall me “Yung Purity.”
Smile thou! upon all hatters and barbers, all shirt-makers and gloviers, all perfumers and dentists, all wash-wimmin and shu blaks, and forgiv them the dets i may owe them, and kauze me tew weep over man and hiz menny misfortins.
Bless all maids ov estate, all widdo’s with munny, all mothers ov fashion with dauters tew marry, all good matches laying around loose, but chiefly giv me a conshience full ov aroma.
Lengthen out, kind Fortune, the days ov mi unkle, but should he slip away sudden, bow me down with sorrow bekuming.
Listen! dear Fortune, listen!—giv me the style ov heart breaking Adonis, let the virtews all seek mi acquaintanse, and feed with nu fires exquisit the soltaire that burns on mi buzzum.
I will raize thee an alter, kind Fortune, an alter az hi az a lamp post, if theze mi prayers are answered—farewell for the present—don’t go back on Beau Bennett, the butiful!!
A LEKTURE TO MALE YOUNG MEN ONLY.
Yu are about 2 begin life, yung men, for the fust time, and i suppose thare wud be no impropriety in mi saing for the last time tew.
It is hily important or thereabouts, that yu set down in sum kool plase, and take an honest akount ov stok, or in other wurds, less poetick but equally tru, yu sarch out the ramifikashun ov natur, and see what natur haz ramified yu for.
Now Skriptur will tell yu, that men don’t gether pigs from thissels, neither dus the husband, nor hiz wife, nor enny ov his relashuns, plant korn when tha are after pumpkins, nor sow bukwheat, when he iz a lookin for old rye.