7. In digging down into his subject, i find the digging grows harder the further i git. It iz mutch easier tew inform yu who not tew marry, than who tew, for the reason thare iz more ov them.
I don’t think yu will foller mi advise, if i giv it; and, tharefore, i will keep it; for i look upon advise as i do upon castor ile—a mean dose tew giv, and a mean dose tew take.
But i must say one thing, girls, or spile. If you kan find a bright-eyed, healthy, and well-ballasted boy, who looks upon poverty az sassy az a child looks upon wealth—who had rather sit down on the curb-stun, in front ov the 5th avenue 447 hotel, and eat a ham sandwitch, than tew go inside, and run in debt for hiz dinner and toothpick—one who iz armed with that kind ov pluck, that mistakes a defeat for a victory, mi advise is tew take him boddy and soul—snare him at onst, for he iz a stray trout, or a breed very skase in our waters.
Take him i say, and bild onto him, az hornets bild on to a tree.
PRIVATE OPINYUNS.
Mi private opinyun iz—that politeness iz about the only profeshion ov humans that i endorse without looking into.
Mi private opinyun iz—that the man who cheats me, iz a good deal mi inferior.
Mi private opinyun of Fame iz—that it konsists in being praized wrongfully while yu liv, and being damd inkorektly when yu are ded, and the very best it kan do for enny man, iz tew make him respektably forgotten.
Mi private opinyun iz—that a bad joke, iz like a bad eg, all the wuss for being cracked.
Mi private opinyun iz—that manufaktring phun for other pholks amusement, iz like hatching out egs, a sober, stiddy bizzness.