I beleaf in throwing every thing wide open, to a fair competishun between the two sexes, velosipeads, az well az medisin, and may the best man win.
It might look a little odd (for the fust day or two) to see 457 the ladies divided by a velosipead, but in the grate advance ov prices, and morals, which are now at work in the world, nobody but a darn phool, or a foggy, would object tew it—if we are ever to reach perfeckshun in this world, we hav all ov us got to hav a fair chance, at both sides ov things.
I hav examined the scientifick principles ov the velosipead, and find that it iz just az simple az bread and milk.
The rotary cohesiveness which exists in all circumlocutory gravitations, ackting in conjunction with the simple law ov attraction, preserves the moshun ov the velosipead within its proper and natural revolushun.
Nothing can be more simple and yet more beautiful than this law in science; the philosophers are az well acquainted with it az they are with the 10 commandments, and perhaps better.
There iz one improvement in the velosipead which I am looking anxiously forward to, and that iz, to learn to stand still till you mount them.
Nothing iz more anoying than a habit they have got into ov lying down on their sides, if yu undertake to endorse one of them standing still.
I hav seen the nobel animal, the hoss, when they wanted to git rid ov their rider, lay down sideways and roll over, and kick up their heels. This iz a trick which the velosipead haz stole from the hoss without giving him credit for it.
If mi memory serves me right, the moshun ov the velosipead iz purely a crank moshun, simular tew the grind stun, and iz produced the same way, that the scizzor grinder stirs up his masheen.
I hav thought if the pioneer wheel of the velosipead could be made out of whetestones, it might be used while in progress, for sharpening razors, and carving knives, and thus bekum a means ov grace, az well az buty, but this would take the poetry all out ov it, and degrade it down to the level ov usefulness.