“Do not step upon other people’s cushions, beds, or feet; but always bear in mind that the only things you may tread on are your clogs and the only things you may step over are the grooves of the sliding-doors.”
“If any one invites you to go out with her, do not put on a finer dress than hers; you should ascertain by previous inquiry what she is going to wear. Do not scent yourself too much or have strong scent-bags about you.”
“It is not good form when you make a call to sit in the middle of a room, and it savours too much of a novice to sit in a corner. Do not make a noise by opening and folding a fan, or fidget with a tea-cup; and do not show a tired face and yawn or pretend not to hear what is being said to you. Moreover, when you have a visitor, do not be constantly looking at the clock and let her suspect that you are impatient for her departure.”
“When you meet a superior in the street, bow low so that the tips of your fingers, with your hands extended downwards, may touch your feet. Do not get flurried and give incoherent answers; but steady yourself by fixing your eyes upon the lady’s knees if she is one whom you wish to treat with the greatest respect, upon her obi if the respect is to be of a slightly lesser degree, and upon the crest of her haori if that respect is still less. Look your equal in the face.”
“In handing a knife to a superior, if it is hers, take the handle in your left hand with the blade pointing towards yourself; but if it is yours, take the handle sideways so that the blade points to her left. In either case the right hand should rest on the mat as you bend forward. Always use the left hand before your superiors.”
“Never enter another’s house unannounced, however intimate you may be with her; for if you were to come upon an untidy room, your intrusion would be no less unpleasant for yourself than for your hostess.”
“In leading a blind man into a room, let him rest a hand on your shoulder, or catch hold of a fan in your hand or of your sleeve. It is rude to lead him by the hand.”
“It is extremely rude to send a caller away when you are at home; but some people go so far as to decide whether they shall be at home or not, only after they have heard the caller’s name.”
“Nothing is more displeasing to a hostess than to have a a visitor who stays on without having anything particular to say. We should not therefore pay a needlessly long visit or make too frequent calls. Intimate friends should, however, call occasionally; but neither the hostess nor the caller is without business of some kind; and if a person is offended with another for not calling on her often enough, there is no need to become intimate with her. If you have business to do with any one, consider the hour of your visit; do not call too early in the morning or too late at night or at meal-time. If there is a caller before you, wait till she leaves before broaching your business, or else call again.”
The women of Japan probably talk as much as those of any other country. They chat freely with their friends, but they are reserved before strangers and open their mouths only when they are addressed. They are taught not to boast of their knowledge or try to show it off. Hence, if a stranger asks them a question out of the common, they generally profess ignorance. A Japanese knows this; and when he makes a woman’s acquaintance, he takes care not to lead the conversation outside the merest commonplaces; but the foreigner who has no idea of this custom is apt to get a false impression and has indeed not unfrequently pronounced her to be little better than a doll with no thought beyond dresses and trivialities of life.