To make a long story about seven pages shorter, we will now brush the dandruff off our coat-collar and say that Chesterton accidentally ran across the Three Ball Column of one of the magazines where the Frayed Boys of the Advertising World are accustomed to hanging up their best belongings.
The first one that caught his eye was this:
“PULLEM PETE—The powerful penster who pulls peppy potent phrases for particular patrons—try him—6c for a sample slasher, or 50 individual humdinging follow-ups for 40c.”
Following this sizzling specimen of alliterative skill, Chesterton ran across this one:
“AD MAN ARONSON penned one pep and paprika sales letter that pulled $80,000,000 worth of business. He can do the same for you. Specimen letter, 11 cents and postage. Lock box 4-11-44, Spinach Corners, Conn.”
By this time Chesterton was all het up for he saw where all these Sales Letter Builders were making their big mistake and he felt the feathers of his guardian angel’s wing tickling his spine all the way up.
Intuitively he knew that his footsteps had been guided at last to the big bronze door of Opportunity, and that all he had to do was to knock on her and she would be opened up Unto him. He was politician-sure that he had the password. And the password was PRICE!
And so Chestie sat him down at his little school-desk in the attic, which he had fixed up neatly as his office with a newsprint of St. Elmo as his patron saint, and after three non-union days’ labor he carved out this modest little synopsis of his advertisorial equipment:
I AM CHESTERTON OF SQUIRRELVILLE—I write serial follow-ups that tear the teeth out of indifference, pull the wool off the sky-piece of scepticism, rouse interest to a frenzy and send the prospect screaming down the aisle to pay tithe to the titillating tin box. A sample letter will cost you $100.00. Three letters for $200.00. Cash with order regardless of rating. Business already booked makes delivery of copy impossible to guarantee under seven months after order is placed.