At Brundisium, April 29.
VIII
CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.
Thessalonica, May 29, B.C. 58
As I was setting out from Brundisium, I wrote to you, explaining why I could not go to Epirus, because it is close to Achaia which is full of my most virulent enemies, and it is a hard place to get out of, when I want to start. My decision was confirmed by the receipt of two messages at Dyrrachium, one saying that my brother was coming by sea from Ephesus to
pedibus per Macedoniam venire. Itaque illi obviam misimus Athenas, ut inde Thessalonicam veniret. Ipsi processimus et Thessalonicam a. d. X Kal. Iunias venimus, neque de illius itinere quicquam certi habebamus nisi eum ab Epheso ante aliquanto profectum. Nunc, istic quid agatur, magno opere timeo; quamquam tu altera epistula scribis Idibus Maiis audire te fore ut acrius postularetur, altera iam esse mitiora. Sed haec est pridie data quam illa, quo conturber magis. Itaque cum meus me maeror cotidianus lacerat et conficit, tum vero haec addita cura vix mihi vitam reliquam facit. Sed et navigatio perdifficilis fuit, et ille, incertus ubi ego essem, fortasse alium cursum petivit. Nam Phaetho libertus eum non vidit. Vento reiectus ab Ilio in Macedoniam Pellae mihi praesto fuit. Reliqua quam mihi timenda sint video, nec quid scribam habeo et omnia timeo, nec tam miserum est quicquam, quod non in nostram fortunam cadere videatur. Equidem adhuc miser in maximis meis aerumnis et luctibus hoc metu adiecto maneo Thessalonicae suspensus nec audeo quicquam.
Nunc ad ea, quae scripsisti. Tryphonem Caecilium non vidi. Sermonem tuum et Pompei cognovi ex tuis litteris. Motum in re publica non tantum ego impendere video, quantum tu aut vides aut ad me consolandum adfers. Tigrane enim neglecto sublata sunt omnia. Varroni me iubes agere gratias. Faciam; item Hypsaeo. Quod suades, ne longius discedamus,
Athens, the other that he was coming by land through Macedonia. So I sent a note to catch him at Athens, asking him to come on to Thessalonica, and I myself set off and arrived at Thessalonica on the 23rd of May. The only certain news about him, that I have had, is that he started a short time ago from Ephesus. Now I am in great anxiety to know what is happening at Rome. It is true that in one letter dated May 15 you say you have heard that Quintus will be rigorously called in question, and in another that things are calming down: but the latter is dated a day before the former, to increase my perplexity. So, what between my own personal grief, which racks and tortures me daily, and this additional anxiety, I have hardly any life left in me. But the passage was very bad and perhaps, not knowing where I was, he took some other direction. My freedman Phaetho has seen nothing of him. Phaetho was driven back by wind from Ilium to Macedonia and came to me at Pella. I see how threatening the future is, though I have not the heart to write. I am afraid of everything: there is no misfortune that does not seem to fall to my lot. I am still staying in suspense at Thessalonica, with this new fear added to the woes and sorrows that oppress me; and I do not dare to make a move of any kind.
Now for the things you mention in your letter. Caecilius Trypho I have not seen. Of your talk with Pompey I have heard from your letter. I cannot see such signs of a political change as you either see or invent to comfort me: for, if they take no notice of the Tigranes episode, all hope is lost. You bid me pay my thanks to Varro. I will, and to Hypsaeus too. I think I will follow your advice not to go any
dum acta mensis Maii ad nos perferantur, puto me ita esse facturum, sed, ubi, nondum statui; atque ita perturbato sum animo de Quinto, ut nihil queam statuere, sed tamen statim te faciam certiorem.
Ex epistularum mearum inconstantia puto te mentis meae motum videre, qui, etsi incredibili et singulari calamitate adflictus sum, tamen non tam est ex miseria quam ex culpae nostrae recordatione commotus. Cuius enim scelere impulsi ac proditi simus, iam profecto vides, atque utinam iam ante vidisses neque totum animum tuum errori mecum simul dedisses! Quare, cum me adflictum et confectum luctu audies, existimato me stultitiae meae poenam ferre gravius quam eventi, quod ei crediderim, quem esse nefarium non putarim. Me et meorum malorum memoria et metus de fratre in scribendo impedit. Tu ista omnia vide et guberna. Terentia tibi maximas gratias agit. Litterarum exemplum, quas ad Pompeium scripsi, misi tibi.