"'Tis no true tale"[101] to my mind that about the fleet. For why should Dolabella in a letter dated from Brundisium on the 13th of March call it a kind of windfall for Caesar that Pompey is thinking of flight and preparing to sail by the first wind? That is very different from that letter of which I sent you a copy before. Here indeed every one speaks of sheer disaster; but there is no later nor more reliable authority on the event than Dolabella.
[101] The first line of the palinode of Stesichorus in which he retracted his former views on Helen.
I have your letter of the 22nd of March, in which you postpone all advice till we know what has happened. Certainly that is wise; and in the meantime we cannot think of anything, much less arrange anything. However, Dolabella's letter compels me to turn to my former thoughts. For on the 18th of March the weather was excellent and I fancy Pompey will not have failed to take advantage of it.
That précis of your advice was not made by me to quarrel with you, but to console myself, for I suffered less pain from these evil days than from the idea I had acted wrongly and rashly. But I fancy I have not done so, since my deeds and policy agree with your advice. You say that I seem to owe Pompey so much more because I say so than because he deserves it. You are right. I have always exaggerated
magis, ne quid ille superiorum meminisse me putaret. Quae si maxime meminissem, tamen illius temporis similitudinem iam sequi deberem. Nihil me adiuvit, cum posset; sed postea fuit amicus, etiam valde, nec, quam ob causam, plane scio. Ergo ego quoque illi. Quin etiam illud par in utroque nostrum, quod ab eisdem illecti sumus. Sed utinam tantum ego ei prodesse potuissem, quantum mihi ille potuit! Mihi tamen, quod fecit, gratissimum. Nec ego nunc, eum iuvare qua re possim, scio nec, si possem, cum tam pestiferum bellum pararet, adiuvandum putarem. Tantum offendere animum eius hic manens nolo, nec mehercule ista videre, quae tu potes iam animo providere, nec interesse istis malis possem. Sed eo tardior ad discedendum fui, quod difficile est de discessu voluntario sine ulla spe reditus cogitare. Nam ego hunc ita paratum video peditatu, equitatu, classibus, auxiliis Gallorum, quos Matius ἐλάπιζεν, ut puto, sed certe dicebat....[102] peditum, equitum se polliceri sumptu suo annos decem. Sed sit hoc λάπισμα; magnas habet certe copias et habebit non Italiae vectigal, sed civium bona. Adde confidentiam hominis, adde imbecillitatem bonorum virorum, qui quidem, quod illum sibi merito iratum putant, oderunt, ut tu scribis, ludum. Ac vellem scripsisses, quisnam hoc significasset. Sed et iste, qui[103] plus ostenderat, quam fecit, et vulgo illum, qui amarunt, non amant;
[102] CCIↃↃ peditum, equitum sex Bosius.
[103] The reading is very uncertain. The MSS. have cc for ac, scribis for scripsisses, hic for hoc and qui for quia.
his services for fear he might think I remembered the past. However much I remembered it, I should feel bound to take the course he took as an example for my behaviour now. He failed to help me when he might; but afterwards he was my friend, my very good friend. I don't quite know why; so I too will be his friend. There is this further likeness between the two cases; both of us were inveigled by the same persons. But would that I were able to help him as much as he was able to help me! However, I am truly grateful for what he did. I do not know in what way I may be able to help him now; nor, were I able, should I think it proper to help him in his preparations for such a disastrous war. Only I do not wish to hurt his feelings by staying here. I declare I could not behold the days that you can foresee, nor take part in such iniquity. But my departure was delayed, because it is hard to think of voluntary departure when there is no hope of return. For Caesar I see is so equipped with infantry, cavalry, fleet, auxiliaries from Gaul—Matius may have exaggerated, but certainly he said that ... infantry and cavalry have promised their services for ten years at their own expense. However, granted that this was gasconnade, great forces Caesar assuredly has, and he will have not the inland revenue of Italy, but the property of her citizens. Add to this the self-confidence of the man, the weakness of the loyalists, who, thinking Pompey deservedly angry with them, as you say, detest the game. I wish you had cited your authority. Domitius, who promised more than he performed,[104] and Pompey's old lovers in general do