MDCLV.—AN AMPLE APOLOGY.
A clergyman at Cambridge preached a sermon which one of his auditors commended. "Yes," said the gentleman to whom it was mentioned, "it was a good sermon, but he stole it." This was repeated to the preacher, who resented it, and called on the gentleman to retract. "I will," replied the aggressor. "I said you had stolen the sermon. I find I was wrong, for on referring to the book whence I thought it was taken, I found it there."
MDCLVI.—FUNERAL INVITATION.
Sir Boyle Roach had a servant who was as great an original as his master. Two days after the death of the baronet, this man waited upon a gentleman, who had been a most intimate friend of Sir Boyle, for the purpose of telling him that the time at which the funeral was to have taken place had been changed. "Sir," says he, "my master sends his compliments to you, and he won't be buried till to-morrow evening."
MDCLVII.—A SUPERFLUOUS SCRAPER.
Foote, being annoyed by a poor fiddler straining harsh discord under his window, sent him out a shilling, with a request that he would play elsewhere, as one scraper at the door was sufficient.
MDCLVIII.—COMPARATIVE VIRTUE.
A shopkeeper at Doncaster had for his virtues obtained the name of the little rascal. A stranger asked him why this appellation had been given to him. "To distinguish me from the rest of my trade," quoth he, "who are all great rascals."
MDCLIX.—GARTH AND ROWE.
Doctor Garth, who used frequently to go to the Wit's Coffee House, the Cocoa-Tree, in St. James's Street, was sitting there one morning conversing with two persons of rank, when Rowe, the poet, who was seldom very attentive to his dress and appearance, but still insufferably vain of being noticed by persons of consequence, entered. Placing himself in a box nearly opposite to that in which the doctor sat, he looked constantly round with a view of catching his eye; but not succeeding, he desired the waiter to ask him for his snuff-box, which he knew to be a valuable one, set with diamonds, and the present of some foreign prince. After taking a pinch, he returned the box, but asked for it again so repeatedly, that Garth, who knew him well, perceived the drift, and taking from his pocket a pencil, wrote on the lid the two Greek characters, [Greek: Ph R] (phi, rho) Fie! Rowe! The poet was so mortified, that he quitted the room immediately.