My comrade, who was still hungry, and did not see the plate handed off without regret, finding it no joke, said to the host, in a voice not the most agreeable, “What ails you, friend? has any one been asking your age? has any one been calling you chucklehead?” “Chucklehead or not,” replied our host, “I affirm it is a most excellent calf’s head.” He pronounced these words as if he intended to thrash us both; but the muleteer, who knew him better than I, and who was a good match for him, rose from the table, and, taking upon himself the braggadocio in his turn, “S’death!” cried he, “is there any law that prescribes how much a man may laugh in this inn? or is there any tax laid upon laughing?” “I never said that there was,” replied the host, apparently somewhat more mild. “I only say that I will not be turned into ridicule in my own house, nor be made to pass for one who treats his guests ill.” “Who says any thing of ill treatment?” replied the muleteer; “who thinks of turning you into ridicule? Be quick, and replace the ragout of brains on the table, and you shall soon see that it was not that we laughed at. I cannot see, however, what objection you can have to allow persons to laugh or cry as much as they please in your house as well as elsewhere.”
The muleteer’s speech had its effect; the delicious ragout which had been thus torn from us was returned, and we were all very friendly again. My companion resumed his seat, and continuing to address himself to the host,—“be assured,” said he, “that had I been laughing at you, my character is such that I should not have concealed the cause from you:—we were not laughing at you; but the sort of omelet you have dressed us reminded me of an adventure my little comrade here had to day in an inn where he dined.” If the muleteer had been content to stop there, I should have got well off; but I was obliged to listen patiently, for the third time, to his relation of the history of the two soldiers, together with my adventure, which he recited to our host with such glee, that he seemed never to be in his element but when telling that story.
Our host had time enough to recover his temper before this long story was finished; and judging that he had been alarmed without cause, he thought proper to commence playing another character, and interrupted the muleteer every moment, while his story was telling, by—Holy Virgin! Great God of Heaven! and other such exclamations, which made the house to ring again, and which were accompanied by the most hypocritical grimaces. “May God punish,” said he, when the muleteer had done speaking, “all who do not perform their duty!” As his duty was to thieve, and he could not be accused of neglecting it, he did not appear to consider himself at all concerned in this imprecation. After this he continued silent for some time, walking up and down the room; but suddenly breaking forth with a thundering voice, “How is it possible,” cried he, “that the earth hath not yet opened itself to swallow up that house, and the wretched woman that keeps it? I have never met with any traveller yet but complained both of her and her provisions: not a passenger goes out of her doors but curses her, and makes oath never to stop at her inn again. If the officers of justice, whose duty it is to put a stop to her practices, suffer her to go on without notice, they know very well what they are about. Good God! in what times do we live!”
Here this honest man sighed deeply and kept silent, to give us to understand that he thought more than he chose to say, and I was in hopes that he would not have annoyed us any longer in this manner; but I was much mistaken. He went on again more violently than before upon the old woman’s knavery, in an harangue which occupied a long half hour; after which, he finished by saying, “I return a thousand thanks to Heaven, that I bear no resemblance to that cursed old hag, and that I am a man of probity and honour, that I may hold up my head in any part of the world, without fearing the least reproach from any man. Poor as I am, nothing of that sort goes on in my house; every thing, thank God, is here sold for what it really is, and not a cat for a hare, nor a sheep for a lamb. Let no one give up his mind to cheating others, for he only cheats himself in the end. He who deals ill must expect ill treatment in return.”
Happily for the muleteer and myself, our host was obliged to stop here, from want of breath. I took advantage of this opportunity to ask if he had any fruit? He answered that he had got some very fine olives. During the time that he was gone to fetch them, my comrade made an end of the dish of calf’s brains, which I could not much relish, thinking it too much like the andouille; but this did not prevent its being entirely demolished. No hungry wolf ever fed more greedily than the muleteer, whose appetite seemed never to be appeased; we had been at least an hour at table, and his appetite seemed to continue as sharp as when we first sat down. For my part, I relished the olives extremely, which, as well as the wine, were excellent; as to the bread, though bad enough, it was much better than what I had met with at dinner.
Such was our supper; and as we intended to set out early the next morning, we desired our host to get our breakfast ready in time: we then laid ourselves down on some straw, after having spread thereon some of our mule furniture, to serve to cover us and keep us warm. The fatigue of our journey, and the quantity of wine I had drank, made me sleep so soundly, that though I was bit by the fleas that fed on me all night, they were not able to rouse me, and I verily believe I should have slept till the next evening, if the muleteer had not awaked me at break of day, giving me notice that it was time to think of our departure. I was soon ready, having only to shake off the bits of straw that were sticking about my hair; but the fleas had left me in such a condition that I looked like a young monster, having so disfigured my face that I might well have been taken for one who had just recovered from the small-pox; if I had been transported to the market-place of Seville, I doubt whether any of my friends would have recognized me.
It being Sunday, we began the day by going to mass; after which we returned to the inn, where my hungry companion had not forgotten to order breakfast; it was the first thing he thought of after he was up. “Gentlemen,” said our landlord, “I have stewed you a piece of the same veal that you supped off last night, and I have taken great pains to cook it to your satisfaction.” The muleteer, whose mouth watered at this speech, placed himself at table in a trice, and commenced an attack upon the ragout, which appeared to him as delicate as peacock’s flesh. For my part, either because I had no appetite so early in the morning, or that I had eaten too much supper the preceding night, I did nothing for some time but look at him, without feeling the least inclination to follow his example; but finding that he enjoyed it as if it were the finest dish in the world, and fearing that I might possibly have reason to repent at dinner of not having partaken of so good a breakfast, I made an effort to swallow a few mouthfuls; but instead of finding them so savoury as my companion seemed to fancy them, there was something in them extremely disagreeable to my palate; as for the seasoning, as our host had good reasons for being prodigal of his pepper and salt, it seized hold of the throat, so that I was obliged to give over as soon as I had tasted it; in addition to which, the flesh was so hard that I could not help remarking that I thought the meat as tough as leather; adding, that I did not consider that it had altogether the taste of veal. “Don’t you see,” said our host, who heard what I said, and who, in spite of his impudence, could not refrain from blushing a little, “don’t you see,” said he, “that it has not been kept long enough to be tender?” The muleteer, who believed what the landlord advanced, or at least thought that I was too delicate, answered, in a jeering tone of voice, “that is not the reason;—but our young gentleman of Seville has always been accustomed to be fed with new laid eggs and cracknels, so that he finds fault with every thing else.”
I contented myself by shrugging up my shoulders at this bantering of my comrade’s, and said not a word; not knowing whether I was not actually too dainty, or, what is more probable, beginning to feel so queer that I almost fancied myself in the other world. I could not make up my mind to touch this meat again, but was occupied with numerous thoughts far above my age. I recollected the passionate behaviour of our host at our laughter at supper the evening before; the unnecessary oaths that he made on the occasion; and as a man undoubtedly renders himself suspected who is anxious to justify himself before he is accused, I considered that there must be some knavery in the business. When my imagination was once thus prepossessed against him, the very sight and smell of his veal ragout quite turned my stomach; so that not being able to remain much longer, I rose from table, and waited patiently until the muleteer did the same, which was very shortly afterwards. Although the piece of veal was such as required a most determined assailant to get through it, my companion appeared to have made but a slight repast of it; after which I requested him to get the reckoning of our host, to ascertain what each had to pay; but he answered me in an obliging manner, that it was such a trifle that I was not to think of it, for that he would take care to see it settled.
This generous behaviour from a man of his rank in life surprised me extremely, or rather charmed me: had I been in different circumstances, I could not in honour have allowed this man to pay for me; but my purse was so low, that it did not either become or suit me to refuse his generosity. I allowed him, therefore, without ceremony, to discharge the reckoning, and, by way of return, I assisted him in every way in my power in getting his mules ready for our journey. I would have done almost any thing for him, so much was I affected by his noble behaviour towards me.