Recruit:—“Three sweethearts—a cook, a barmaid, and a laundress.”
Diplomatic
Colonel:—“I do not see, Lieutenant, what there is to laugh at, in the serious words I am addressing to you.”
Lieutenant (who has noticed that all the other officers present are watching him):—“If the Colonel will pardon me I will tell him. If I make a sober face, my comrades present will think I am being hauled over the coals; but seeing me smile, they will think you are inviting me to your dinner-party to-night.”
The Recruit’s Use for His Head
“You, fellow!” called a Sergeant to a recruit, “you are not paying attention! What is your head for?”
“That my necktie can’t slip off.”
An Unconscious Repetition
Colonel:—“I am sorry to have to tell you, but the Sergeant has lodged a complaint against you. You called him an ass.”