"I see where the King of England, to show his appreciation of what we done it during the war, Mawruss, is going to send his eldest son, the King of England, junior, or whatever his name is, to visit us," Abe Potash said to his partner, Morris Perlmutter.
"Yes?" Morris replied. "Well, why don't the King, senior, come himself?"
"You must think that kings has got nothing better to do with their time than fool it away on ocean steamers, Mawruss," Abe said. "A king of England is a very busy man, Mawruss, which I bet yer right now he is dated up as far ahead as Purim, 1921, laying corner-stones, opening exhibitions, making the speech of the afternoon or the evening, as the case may be, at assorted luncheons, teas, and dinners; trying on uniforms; signing warrants at a fee of two guineas and sixpence—not including three cents war tax—for the appointment of tea, coffee, or cocoa manufacturers as purveyors of tea, coffee, or cocoa to the royal household, y'understand, and doing all the other things which a king does in England and a prominent Elk does in America."
"Well, anyhow, I suppose the King of England, junior, must of done a lot of hard work during the war which makes the King, senior, think that it is time the boy had a vacation."
"Oser!" Abe said. "So far as I can make out, the young feller made a couple of tourist's tours of the battle-fields, Mawruss, and maybe helped out once or twice with the corner-stone laying; but otherwise, for all the actual fighting he did, instead of being the King of England's son during the war, he might just so well have been Mr. Ford's son."
"Well, kings, junior or senior, ain't supposed to fight, Abe," Morris said. "The most their countries expects of them is that they should share the privations of their subjects by reducing the cost of running their homes till they are living as economically during war-times as a Texas oil millionaire does during peace-times. There was days together there, in the terrible winter of 1916-1917, when the only dishes which appeared on the tables of European kings, outside of green-turtle soup and roast pheasant, was hothouse asparagus and fresh strawberry ice-cream, Abe. The sufferings of kings, junior and senior, during the war 'ain't half been told in the newspapers, Abe."
"The Kings of England, junior and senior, is very popular in England at that, Mawruss," Abe said, "which every week the illustrated papers prints picture after picture of both of them Kings looking every inch kings, or anyhow openers or better, y'understand; and in fact, Mawruss, the English-reading public never seems to get tired of seeing pictures of building operations, just so long as there is one of them Kings in it laying the corner-stone or turning the first sod of the excavation."
"For that matter, Abe, them brown illustrated supplements to American Sunday newspapers which rubs off so on Palm Beach suits and ladies' white gloves, 'ain't absolutely declared a boycott on kings' pictures, neither," Morris declared. "I suppose that pictures of them Kings with or without Marshal Haig reviewing soldiers and handing out medals is easy worth several hundred dollars a week to the dry cleaners of New York City alone."
"Did I say they didn't?" Abe asked. "Which, considering the trouble and expense this country was put to over the Declaration of Independence, Mawruss, you would be surprised how much interest a whole lot of ladies takes in the English royal family. Here a short time ago the King, senior's, father a brother's daughter got married beneath her to one of the chief stockholders of the Canadian Pacific Railroad, Mawruss, and you would think from the way my Rosie carried on about it that the girl's mother was going round saying what did she ever do that her daughter should go to work and marry a feller that made his living that way, and what a mercy it was the grandmother didn't live to see it; the theory being, Mawruss, that when a king's relation marries a healthy young chief stockholder with nothing flowing in his veins but the blood of a couple of generations of managing directors, y'understand, it is the equivalence of a bank president's daughter eloping with a professional dancer in a cabaret."
"And when the King, junior, arrives in this country there is going to be a lot of disappointment among them ladies which also gets their pictures printed by the Sunday supplement sitting around cross-legged in ankle-length, awning-striped skirts at dawg-shows, in such a way that even the dawgs must feel embarrassed if they've got the ordinary dawg's sense of decency, Abe," Morris said, "because I see by the paper that the King, senior, has instructed his son that while in New York he should live on board the English battle-ship which is bringing him here so as not to have no truck with any millionaires."