Under this head informal lunches may also be discussed. These are such as persons are apt to partake of without any special previous arrangement, either at restaurants or private houses. As a gentleman is at liberty to dine where he pleases, I only speak of the subject in connection with ladies.
A gentleman should never invite a lady to lunch at his own house, no matter how well acquainted he may be with her, not even when engaged, unless a chaperon be present at the meal, and not invite her at all unless he has met her very frequently beforehand.
A gentleman can accept an invitation to lunch with a lady under the same conditions as those of an invitation to stay to dinner when calling (see Sec. 9.)
When desirous of asking a lady to lunch at a restaurant, whether you take her direct from the house to it, or while walking, makes no difference; a chaperon must be present at the meal unless you bear an existing or agreed future relationship to her, or your friendship is understood by your own and the lady’s friends to be so dear as not to allow of suspicion or question—when a chaperon can be dispensed with.
Without a chaperon be extremely careful in your selection of a restaurant; seek those whose reputation is quiet and refined and of less publicity than the rest of the well-known restaurants. Always when with a lady enter the restaurant by the door intended for ladies’ use; never by the public entrance.
13. Evening parties should be attended before the hour of eleven, in full dress. If with a lady do not keep her waiting, but rather let her find you awaiting her at the dressing-room door. If alone or otherwise take care to seek the hostess on entering the parlor; this is a piece of politeness sadly overlooked nowadays, especially by individual gentlemen. At a dance always take the inside arm of a lady while promenading. Repeatedly ask after her thirst, and never allow her to approach the refreshment table, but bring the glass to her on your kerchief if there are no doilys. Always pay particular attention to the hostess, and ask her repeatedly to dance. Never, if idle and you see her without a partner, allow her to remain thus alone; under such circumstances, likes and dislikes should be set aside, or you should not have attended the dance. Always offer your arm to your partner immediately on ceasing to dance. Make it a rule never to leave a dance without bidding the host or hostess good-night, and thanking them for the pleasures of the evening. This is another poor policy of a great many men, to leave quietly without the knowledge of the host or hostess.
Party calls should be made within a year at the farthest after the party, and should occupy the same length of time as an ordinary call.
14. Dinners should be attended promptly on time. Always allow the ladies to be seated first. Do not attempt to pass anything if the servants are present, nor even if they are not present unless expressly requested to do so.
Do not attempt to speak when the mouth contains food. When spoken to, a motion of the head will be sufficient to convey the reply intended, and at the same time to acquaint your questioner with the fact that he has spoken inopportunely. In order to conform to the various customs it is advisable to abstain as long as is prudent from folding the napkin till you view the action therein of the host or hostess. But this is only necessary at more or less informal dinners. The prevailing custom of formal dinners is never to fold the napkin. Care must be taken not to make noises with the mouth, when eating, and not to smack the lips. If a total abstainer from drink, you must not turn your glasses upside-down, nor allow them filled. Merely stop the servant when your glass is half filled, thus preventing comment and complete waste at one and the same time. You must not call the servants, but endeavor to beckon them to you with the head and eyes, not with the finger. Never speak louder than will allow of a comprehension of what you are saying. Do not toy with articles on the table, and when the hands are not employed in eating they must be kept in the lap. Don’t put the elbows on the table. Reading is not to be indulged in at the table, unless it is a letter or special communication, when you must beg pardon for your rudeness. Do not leave the table before the rest have finished except in case of necessity, and then by permission only, always excusing yourself. When remaining till the finish, never rise till the host or hostess or both have signified that the meal is at an end, by rising first.
15. There is one custom in this work which above all others is essential to every man who has any desire to play the rôle of a thorough social success, and that requirement is dancing. There is not one thing which a society gentleman performs, which gives so much enjoyment not only to himself, but to others. Nothing is more closely criticized, nothing more prominent when in execution; nothing more benefiting as an exercise, and nothing more satisfactory to the performer, than dancing. By that word is meant any performance which has the name of dance, and which has the requisites of “grace,” “ease,” and “perfect performance.” To be a perfect dancer the above expressions in reference to your dancing should be won from your admirers. Do not think, because you have an idea of how to dance, that you really do so perfectly. The first requirement to good dancing is grace. If you are graceful you cannot appear awkward to on-lookers, for your step is firm, body quiet, and arms still. The arm is never pumped, and the feet are barely lifted off the floor. To have ease, a dancer should appear confident of his ability, and show that ability by a correct and actual performance of the dance in the above-explained graceful way. To have a perfect performance of a dance, both of the former requirements are to be exercised, with these additional requisites, viz.: use a long decided glide, never jump or hop, always reverse equally as much as you turn the original way, keep to the side of the room, direction to the right from the entrance. Do not collide with other couples, or at least protect your partner from sudden collisions, and on no account allow her to slip.