Never mispronounce. Never say purtect for protect, yer for you, tater for potato, this ’ere for this here, tommytoes for tomatoes, voilent for violent, aborgoyne for aborigine, or busted for bursted. “Take her up tenderly, lift her with care.”
Never say kin for can, they’se for they’re, feller for fellow, gal for girl, wuz for was, whar for where, thar for there, har for hair, hev for have, wull for will, cud for could, nor wud for would. Never imagine that ignoramuses only fall into these errors. The greatest scholars in the world have been known to fairly revel in them when suffering from delirium tremens, or otherwise off their guard.
Never forget that duty rhymes with beauty, not with booty, and that morn doesn’t rhyme with dawn at all—poetasters to the contrary notwithstanding. Even a gentleman of the world will not wholly despise the soft demands of rhythm.
Never say idear for idea, nor wahm for warm. The addition of the r in the one case is as indefensible as its omission in the other.
Never say pants for trousers, vest for waistcoat, boiled rag for shirt, nor trotter cases for boots and shoes. As a sole alternative, let your language be choice to fastidiousness.
Never allude to a cuss, meaning a man. Even pure cussedness for sheer contrariety is becoming the property of the common herd.
Never say “the old woman,” alluding to your wife. Is marriage of necessity the grave of respect?
Never speak of your father as “the governor,” “the old man,” “the money-bag,” and the like. Perhaps, he is a very good sort of person.
Never say castor for hat, nor gun-boats for overshoes, nor duds for clothes in general. A multiplication of these synonyms may be creditable to the invention, but is apt to be confusing.
Never fear to say you are sick, if you are so. Englishmen are h’ill, and Frenchmen are at liberty to be indisposé. We never say “an ill room,” or “an indisposed bed,” but “a sick room” or “a sick bed,” as the case may be.