"Patrick, you told me you needed the alcohol to clean the mirrors with, and here I find you drinking it."
"Faix, mum, it's drinkin' it and brathin' on the glass oi'm a-doin'."
A clergyman was being shaved by a barber who had evidently become unnerved by the previous night's dissipation. Finally he cut the clergyman's chin. The latter looked up at the artist reproachfully and said, "You see, my man, what comes of hard drinking." "Yes, sir," replied the barber, consolingly, "it makes the skin tender."
They began by making much of his office, and the great qualities necessary to properly fill it. They laid stress upon the decay of the standard of fitness, and congratulated themselves that they had at last met with an instance where the man did honor to the office.
The mayor stood it for some time, and then in the blandest manner remarked:
"You make me more worthy, gentlemen, than I really am. I am not a genius, nor yet am I a sot or a simpleton, but rather, if you will permit such self measurement, something between the two."