Nor were the words scarce out of his mouth, when in came a band of men, and made a rustling with their spears and targets. Trimalchio leaned on his pillow, the Homerists ratled out Greek verses, as, arrogantly enough, they were wont to do, and he read a Latin book with a loud voice: whereupon silence being made, "Know ye," said he, "what fable they were upon?
"Diomedes and Ganymede were two brothers, and Helen was their sister; Agamemnon stole him away, and shamm'd Diana with a hind in his room, as says Homer in this place; and how the Trojans and the Parentines fought among themselves; but at last he got the better of it, and married his daughter Iphigenia to Achilles; on which Ajax run mad. And there's an end of the tale."
On this the Homerists set up a shout, and a young boiled heifer with an helmet on her head, was handed in upon a mighty charger: Ajax followed, and with a drawn sword, as if he were mad, made at it, now in one place, then in another, still acting a Morris-dancer; till having cut it into joints, he took them upon the point of his sword, and distributed them. Nor had we much time to admire the conceit; for of a sudden the roof gave a crack, and the whole room shook: For my part, I got on my feet, but all in confusion, for fear some tumbler might drop on my head; the same also were the rest of the guests; still gaping and expecting what new thing should come from the clouds: when straight the main beams opened, and a vast circle was let down, all round which hung golden garlands, and alabaster pots of sweet ointments.
While we were required to take up these presents, I chanced to cast an eye upon the table, where there lay a fresh service of cheese-cakes and tarts, and in the midst of them a lusty rundlet, stuck round with all sorts of apples and grapes, as they commonly draw that figure.
We greedily reached our hands towards it, when of a sudden, a new diversion gave us fresh mirth; for all the cheese-cakes, apples and tarts, upon the least touch, threw out a delicious liquid perfurne, which fell upon us.
We judging the mess to be sacred, that was so gorgeously set out, stood up and began a health to the august founder, the father of his country: After which reverence, failing to catch that catch could, we filled our napkins and I chiefly, who thought nothing too good for my boy Gito.
During this, in came three boys in white, their coats tuck'd about them; of whom, two set on the table three household gods with broaches about their necks, and the other bearing round us a goblet of wine, cry'd aloud, "Be the gods favourable!" "The name of this," said he, "is cobler, that other's good-luck, and the third's spend-all:" And as the image of Trimalchio was carryed round, and every one kiss'd it, we thought it a shame not to do as the rest of the company.
After this, when all of us had wished him health and happiness, Trimalchio, turning to Niceros, "You were wont," said he, "to be a good companion, but what's the matter we get not a word from ye now? Let me entreat ye, as you would see me happy, do not break an old custom."
Niceros, pleased with the frankness of his friend: "Let me never thrive," said he, "if I am not ready to caper out of my skin, to see you in so good a humours; therefore what I say shall be all mirth; tho' I am afraid those grave fopps may laugh: but let them look to 't, I'll go on nevertheless; for what am I the worse for any one swearing? I had rather they laugh at what I say, than at my self."
Thus when he spake—— ——he began this tale:—