The night appointed being come, for the perfecting what they had propounded, the Gallant was ready punctually at his hour with three or four Porters, by the help of whom he quickly removed all the choice Goods or any that were worth Porterage to a place appointed. Having so done, he advised her to secure what Money and Plate there was in the House; this was done so silently, that the Servants of the House were not awakened by any noise they made; there was not so much Money and Plate but it was portable enough between them; having thus contributed to the robbing herself, away she trudges with her friend to another place, than where he had sent the Goods; and having provided an Horse before for that purpose, in the morning early away they rode to Plimouth, about thirty miles distant, where having lodg’d her, and promising to return speedily, takes a good quantity of Money with him, and was never by her heard of after.
Her Husband coming home, and finding all things in this condition, was about to hang himself, (and so he might, for few loved him so well as to hinder him from it, especially now seeing there was no more good to be done with him) but comforting himself, that his House was still left standing, he grieved very little; for he was so little acquainted hitherto with grief, that he knew not what it was. He had not rested in it above one night, but he sold it, and what Goods remain’d, and it was not two hours after before he was arrested, and so forced to part with above three parts of what the Sale had brought him in, to discharge the Debts he owed in that City. It was not long after that all was gone, and in that juncture of time, his Wife returned with hardly a rag to cover that nakedness, she had so often lasciviously exposed to view. What became of her afterwards, I know not; but he to shun the daily flouts and insupportable slightings of his Relations and Quondam Friends, footed it for Barnstable, and rather than through despair destroy himself at home, he would try his fortunes by labouring in another Countrey. The next Persons I am to treat of, are a Couple of
Jilts.
Fellows that must run through a many other faculties of an inferiour Class, before they can attain to the true knowledge of this profound Mystery; and having obtain’d this, they commence Master of Arts; which Arts are divided into that of High-Padding, Low-Padding, Cloy-Filing, Bung-Nipping, Prancers Prigging, Duds-Lifting, Rhum-Napping, Cove-Cuffing, Mort-Trapping, Stamp-Flashing, Ken-Milling, Jerk the Naskin, with many more of the quality.
Such were these two Jilts, who had they staid longer in London, instead of taking shipping here, they would have taken Shippen at Newgate, and Sailed up Holbourn, and passing by the dangerous Rocks of St. Giles’s would irrecoverably have been cast away at Tiburn.
I did not find by their discourse any great matter of ingenuity, having not wit enough to practice any thing of their own designing; they were old seasoned Rogues; and were content to tread in the same old Paths their Predecessors had trod in before, without making any new discovery. And therefore I shall give you an account only, that not daring to stay[stay] longer in London, they were constrained to betake themselves to the Countrey. The week before the Sizes they came to Excester, setting up their Horses at an Inn, they presently (not to lose time) walkt to see the City, and under that pretence to try what advantages they could make therein, went into several Taverns, and where they could not get civily into company they thought they might bubble, they rudely intruded, and had like to have been soundly basted for their pains; they found that Gaming would not suit their purpose in that precise place; therefore the next day they resolved to experience what Jilting would do; and that they might carry on their design with the less suspition, they bespoke a Dish or two of Meat for Dinner in a Tavern, inviting the man of the House and his Wife to eat with them, they called freely for Wine, and drank pretty smartly; at length they were left alone, one of them steps up the stairs, and gets into the Vintners Lodging Room, where seeing a large Trunk, he attempts to open it with his Pick-lock, (which they have of all sorts and sises from a Street Door to a Cabinet) being too long a fumbling about his business, the Vintner came up to his Comrade the mean time, and asking where his Friend was; the other replyed he was gone up to the House of Office; Nay, that cannot be, replyed he, for it is below in the Yard and thereupon (his heart mis-giving him) he ran up hastily the stairs, and looking back saw him that he left below at the stair-head ready to go down, and the other that was above coming out of his Chamber, not knowing how to seize them both, he cryed out, stop the Thief that is coming down, and in the mean time clos’d in with him that was above and struggling with him, he was forc’d to quit an Hundred Pound-Bagg, that the Jilt had got under his Arm, which made the Vintner then more eager to secure him: in short, they were both secured and carried before a Justice; there needed no other evidence to convict them, than a great bunch of those Pick-locks found about them. Upon this they were committed, and that very Sizes (having miraculously before escaped buzzing in the fist) both sentenced to be Transported.
Now give me leave to give you an account (if it be possible) of one that is every thing, yet nothing. By his Garb, both a Gentleman, and a Soldier too, and such an one is this
Pretended (poor) Captain.
His Ancestors by the Fathers side in a continued Line to him, have been well known to be remarkable Beggars some Centuries; I know not, but that they may draw their Original from King Fergus, or some other great Irish Prince; for to this day the meaner sort of the Natives of Ireland had rather see their Children beg, than be mechanically imployed, by following some honest Trade, or Occupation. And that is the reason that so many serving-men, swarm from the middle and meaner sort of them, learning to cringe when they are young, that they may beg, with the better grace when they are old. His Grand-Father by an unhappy, or happy accident, when he was a Child, fell into the Fire, and so scorcht his face, that had you seen it, you would sworn it had been a young scorcht Devils-head half roasted; I say by that advantage, (which others would call a disadvantage) when he came to be of years, removing where he was not known, he gained daily by begging considerably, pretending that disaster came by powder, as he was couragiously fighting in the famous Battel of Lepanto; and which to confirm the belief, he had lost a Leg by a confounded Ulcer, which he pretended he lost by a Cannon shot, at the same time. By which means he had got sufficiently to have maintained his Son not in idle courses, if he had had the Grace to have rightly used it; but he coming of Age, spent that in a Month, which his Father had got in twenty scorching Summers, and as many cold benumming Winters, scorning to degenerate from the Ancient practice of his Predecessors; and like a Crafts-master, purchased a Seamans old suit of Apparel, with his Red Cap, and had so rolled himself in Pitch, that he might have served a whole City for a general Antidote in a Contagion. He begg’d up and down the Countrey, (pretending to go home,) under the notion of being cast away, and had lost all; and therefore desired the Charity of well minded People, that it might be a means to carry him to his friends and acquaintance. He had learn’d Sea-termes of Art, and applyed them very well in all his wonderful relations. Coming to his Quarters at night, after two or three deep fetcht sighs, he would in general complain of his hard fortune, giving some small hints of what considerable sums he lost this last Ship-wrack; then as if he corrected himself for so doing in the discovery of his misery, he would say, well, it is but a madness and a great folly to grumble at the hand of Providence. We must submit to Dispensations. These sad Notes coming from his Religious Organ-pipe, sounded so lowdly in the ears of his Landlady, that she tuned them so among the Neighbourhood, that the room wherein he was, fill’d presently.
He had an excellent faculty in telling a doleful story, and would Limn the horrour of Ship-wrack so to the Life, that the womens eyes about him dropt as fast as Water out of a Cullender; after this fell a showre of two pences, single pence, half pence, &c. By this subtlety he never wanted Mony, Victuals, strong Drink, nor good Lodging. And by the help of a good Memory as I am informed he travailed in and about England, begging in this manner, nine years, and never came in to a Town twice.