"One day, Pauline, for I knew her Christian name already, and might use it with a brother's right, announced to me that she could not decide whether I belonged to the natures of light or of darkness; it was the minister's wish that I should visit the Gräfin at the Castle, and make a full confession of my sins to her.
"It was the period when in France a Saint Simon's and Pére Enfantin's doctrine of the priesthood of woman found extensive propagation, and in large assemblies of the Paris street Taitbout was taught by inspired women. I could not avoid thinking of that intelligence in the newspapers, when I was invited by the Gräfin to the Castle. There was repeated in pious garb the same performance, but only in doctrine, not in deed. Here the priestly office was already exercised by an aristocratic woman, and that woman boasted of lofty revelation, and could even spread her angel's wings protectingly over the minister of the community.
"Not without hesitation I entered the inner castle yard; the gloomy old masonry of the large quadrangle overlooked by lofty towers did not act soothingly upon my temperament; I felt like those unfortunate men to whom once in those gloomy apartments, which were still known as those of criminal justice, the sword of the German knights was placed at their throats, so that they should confess Christ, or else incur the penalty of death. It was a horrible trial of faith, and I felt as if I were one of those unhappy followers of Perkunos.
"Certainly the drawing-rooms into which I was conducted, did not bear the remotest resemblance to those dread vaults. The view from that high stronghold of Ottokar extended far over the town, which with its church towers and high gabled houses, and at the same time windowless warehouse quarters, surrounded and traversed with glistening branches of the river, lay as if cowering at its feet. There was something soothing and alleviating to the mind in that free prospect; with my heart throbbing less violently, I awaited the entrance of the woman who was considered to be the superior nature of light in the elect circle.
"And she entered, smiling gently and kindly, her appearance delicate and distinguished; I almost felt as though an ambrosial light was floating around her, and when she also greeted me with the sisterly kiss, I felt as if receiving consecration from above, it was as though one of those bodyless angel's heads, which, as Raphael painted them, possess wings only, had kissed me.
"At first it was the mild, confiding sister who spoke to me; she introduced sundry worldly affairs into the conversation, and I was obliged to give her accurate information about our genealogical tree and the estates of our family, and just the same of my previous life.
"Nevertheless, I soon perceived that I no longer talked to my fellow-believer on terms of equality; with polite and dexterous transition she had changed the conversation into an examination. The examination in the first place concerned my external life, but should soon direct itself towards my internal one.
"A change, for which I could not entirely account, had taken place in the Gräfin, but of which, however, I soon experienced the secret power. All friendliness and mildness had suddenly disappeared from her features, they had assumed an almost gloomy air of decision; something majestic and commanding lay in her whole demeanour. She rose and stood before me, drawn up to her full height; the woman had been transformed into the priestess. With a sign, she bade me remain seated, and solemnly explained that the Archdeacon had given to her the right of consecrating and sanctifying men and women, after he had imparted supreme consecration to herself. It was her duty to examine hearts, to root out sin, to speak truths sharply and unsparingly; because love in man becomes zealous with a divine zeal. And she, indeed, appeared to be impregnated with that zeal; a deep glow suffused her features, she stood before me in proud, strange beauty. I was fain to think of the angel with the flaming sword.
"She required unreserved confession and acknowledgment of my sins.
"I hesitated. What should I confess? So new was this introspection still to me that I had occupied myself but little with discovering what, according to the measure of these saints, would be accounted sin.