Their Burial of the Dead is so expensive, that it often ruines the Heir. When the Corpse is carried out of the House, a Herald goes before, who proclaims the Titles of the Deceas'd: If he has none, he has Three Days Notice to make a Genealogy for him. I saw the Burial of a quondam Taylor, who was nearly ally'd to a first Minister, and heard the Herald's Oration, which was as near as I remember, in these Words. See, Fellow-Citizens, the Vanity of all sublunary Things! and lament your own hard Fate in the Loss of the Illustrious Evanosmador. If Virtue, if Art, if Nobility of Blood, could any way have influenc'd the Tyrant Death, who could boast a greater Soul! Who exceed him in the Mysteries of his Art! Or lastly, Whose Veins were fill'd with a more noble Blood!
Here he repeated his Genealogy, which spoke him descended from a Number of Sovereign Princes, Grandees, Caja's, &c.
When the Corpse arrives at the great Market-place, where all the Dead are burnt, a Priest makes a Funeral Oration; which done, a great Number of Mourners, hired for that purpose, begin their Lamentations, which last till the Body is entirely consum'd. The Fire is made with Billets, on which the Arms of the Deceased are either carv'd or painted, which cannot cost less than an English Crown each. Every one of the Company is presented with two of these Billets; one he lays on the Pile, the other he carries home, and hangs up in his House. After the Consumption of the Corpse, the Picture of the Deceas'd is hung over the Door for the Space of Twelve Moons. Their Ceremonies in marshalling the Company are tedious, and therefore I shall not mention them; I shall only take Notice, that the Dead are drawn by Six, or Eight Ostriches, cover'd with Cloath of Gold, upon an open Chariot.
When any begins to sicken, a Physician is sent for, who, after having examin'd the Patient, sends for a Venenugallpotior, something like our Apothecary, and gives him his Direction, takes his Fee, which is extravagant enough, and goes into his Palanquin; for a Physician, let him be a Second Hermes, or Galen, will never get Bread, if he does not make a Figure. He's sure to repeat his Visits, Morning and Even, if the Patient as often repeats his Fees; but whenever he finds any Symptoms of a weak Purse, he sets a Mark on that House, and no Intreaties will prevail with him to go under that Roof.
When the Relations of the Sick perceive him past Hopes of Recovery, they fall to plundering his House, neglect him entirely, and very often fall together by the Ears, begin with Blows, and end with a Law-suit, which seldom fails ruining both Plaintiff and Defendant; for their Lawyers rarely bring a Suit to Issue, till their Clients are brought to Beggary; and tho' they all know this to be the Consequence of their Litigation, yet is there no Nation so fond of going to Law.
When any one falls into Poverty, he's look'd upon as infected; for all his Acquaintance shun him; nay, very often his own Children will not own him, if in happier Circumstances: And what will seem wonderful to a Briton, who esteems Merit in Rags, and contemns the Vicious, tho' encompass'd with a Crowd of Servants, and distinguish'd by the glaring Titles of his Family; no sooner does a Cacklogollinian grow rich, but all the World courts him, tho' sprung from a Dunghill: And even those who can never hope any thing from him, shew him a profound Respect. Ask who such a one is, and they never tell you, that he is such a Fowl of Honour, or of such good Qualities, but answer, he is worth so much: Nay, Riches give a Man such Superiority, that a Merchant, the Son of a Butcher, presum'd so much upon the immense Sums he possess'd, that he had the Boldness to tell the Emperor to his Face, if he did not prohibit the Importation of Corn (which was then very much wanted) he having a great Quantity by him, would draw his Money out of the publick Treasury, and then his Majesty might see who was able to supply him. The Emperor was advised to lay him by the Heels for his Sawciness, but the good Prince forgave him.
Their Dress is a close Doublet, and a a loose Mantle, which is either rich or plain, fine or coarse, not according to the Quality, but according to the Ability of the Wearer; for very often you can't distinguish, in respect of Dress, the Grandee from the Merchant, or the Squabbaw from her Attendant; for the meaner Sort lay all on their Backs. Their Necks are adorned with Ribbons, Bells, Medals, &c. and their Tail-feathers are beautify'd with additional ones from the Peacock, or Figures painted with various Colours, which must be by the Emperor's Permission, as has been before observ'd.
Their Exercises are pretty violent, and they are great Lovers of a Play for which I can find no Name in English. They begin with giving their next Neighbour a great Bang with the Wing, which is return'd by a Kick or Peck, or Stroke with the Spur; you would imagine they were so many engaged in a Battle, for they strike without Fear or Wit, and never mind on whom the Strokes light; for every one deals them about promiscuously, and as thick as he can lay them on. They will continue this Diversion, till they are not able to stand, or till some of the Company gets a Wing, a Leg, or a Head broke, or some other Damage, which the Party hurt never takes ill. This Play is indeed practised only among the younger, or the meaner Sort.
They are mighty fond of the Cuckoo, and will sit two Hours upon a Stretch to hear a Set of them exercise their natural Talent, for which they are paid and caress'd. I knew a Lady of Quality who gave a Pension of Five Thousand Spasma's, each Spasma worth Two Shillings Sterling, to one of these Birds to sing her to Sleep every Night. The Air of this Country is too cold for these Cuckoo's, who come from a more southern Clime, which is the Reason they stay not above three Years before they wing their Flight home, where they build Palaces with the Profits of their Journey: But as those who return send others in their stead, the Cacklogallinians are never long deprived of the Entertainment these Birds afford 'em.
Another Diversion they have, is the making the Ostriches run Races: The Feeding, Training, and Betting upon these Birds, have ruined many of the noblest Families. They are also mightily addicted to Dice, and will set and lose their Wives and Children, which they sometimes see eaten by the Winner, if he is of Quality.