With this object I always said to the king, with the greatest conscientiousness and without reservation, everything that I considered true and serviceable, without allowing myself to be checked by the fear of losing his favour, though I frequently gained the experience, that this conduct caused him to be cool with me, which happened the more easily, because the officiousness of those who merely sought the king's favour was never idle on such occasions. The king will remember how this was more especially the case, when I represented to him the evil consequences which arise from a premature, excessive, and unregulated enjoyment of certain sensual pleasures, and when I tried to prevent his Majesty from making certain painful, injurious, and useless attempts on his person, and attempted to bring him back from certain false, unfounded ideas which were deleterious to his happiness.
At this time I stood in connexion with nobody at court but Count Holck and Chamberlain von Warnstedt, and that only so far as they could have influence over the king. The former was reserved with me; the latter gave me from time to time his confidence, which I employed to suggest to him principles and ideas which I felt assured would prove useful to the king, if he repeated them to his Majesty on the occasions which he had.
When the court resided for the summer at Frederiksberg, I could not help making various acquaintances, being implicated in several affairs, and acquiring a more certain knowledge of the intentions of those who were at court at this time. This did not take place, however, till toward the end of the summer. There were at this time three principal parties at court: that of Count Holck, that of Count Fritz Moltke,[93] and that of Frau von Gabel. The first held its ground through the favour of Count Holck and liaisons in the ministry, or rather through the unwillingness to injure the favourite. The second tried to procure a support through the authority of the queen, and trusted to the influence of the Russian minister, but wished to get Warnstedt and myself on their side. Of the third, it can hardly be said to have been a party, as it consisted of Frau von Gabel alone.
The latter merely sought, through the impression which she strove to produce upon the king's mind, to tear him out of the fetters of dependence, in which she imagined his Majesty was bound. The second of the parties strove, on the other hand, as may be easily conjectured, to remove Count Holck. But I must confess that under these circumstances my sense and inclination made me principally incline to the views of Frau von Gabel, as they fully agreed with mine, and I gave this lady credit for honourable sentiments. Still, I did not agree with her on two points:—(1) That she absolutely insisted on removing Count Holck, which I considered unnecessary if the king could be imbued with more correct and permanent sentiments, as in that case Count Holck's credit would fall away of itself, and, besides, an old favourite would be less injurious than a new one; and (2) I was always of opinion that the sole and right mode of rendering the king truly happy, was to do away with his éloignement from the queen, and to establish a mutual affection between them.
Frau von Gabel believed that she had been insulted by the queen, and seemed desirous not to seek her favour again, until she could be useful to her Majesty through the influence she had gained over the king's heart. I tried to convince the Moltke party, as far as they granted me their confidence, how little hope they could have of overthrowing Count Holck, or of deriving any advantage from it; and to how many unpleasantnesses the queen would be exposed if they employed their power in removing the count before the king's confidence was gained; and hence I considered it the best course to live in unity and peace. In any case, I did not consider myself at liberty to act against Count Holck, and though I was not satisfied with his conduct, I thought that this ought to be left to the king alone.
1770. Even in the following winter when, owing to the misunderstandings between Count Holck and the Russian minister, it would have been an easy task to overthrow the former, I did everything in my power to support him; and, in this affair, always spoke to the king in Count Holck's favour, although, in other respects, I told the king the truth of the affair, and Count Holck gave it a tournure which I could not approve.
In the year 1769, when, toward the end of the summer and afterwards, I had frequent opportunities of speaking with the queen, and her Majesty confided to me her thoughts about her situation, I found that she was excessively discontented with it; had no hopes of ever being happy with her consort; and could expect no peace or contentment from the existing state of affairs.
This condition of mind was maintained, and even more excited, by the continued reports and repulsive representations which the queen received of everything that occurred. The object of her repugnance, however, was not the king, but solely Count Holck, whom she regarded as the originator of all the unpleasantness that befell her. What she personally suffered from the king did not affect her greatly; and she merely tried to protect herself against it by a greater reserve, which, however, only heightened their mutual coldness and estrangement. My situation, under these circumstances, was extremely embarrassing; while, on the one hand, the queen confided to me her dissatisfaction, on the other I was a constant witness of the discontent, anger, and desire of the king to free himself from everything that was repulsive to him. I therefore followed the principle which I have ever entertained, that their mutual felicity depended on their union; for I was obliged to give them both advice, and I considered myself bound to do everything that lay in my power to promote their satisfaction. Although I had but little hope of effecting it, I acted accordingly. I sought to make the queen understand, and firmly impress on her mind, that it was to her own good, and the sole way of making her situation agreeable, if she strove to acquire the king's confidence, and this could only be effected by kindness, counsel, attention, and exertion to make her company as pleasant as possible to the king. I begged the queen not to listen to insinuations against the king, however slight they might be, and though made with a good purpose, but to be quiet, and watch and examine for herself. I strove to reduce, or entirely remove, her repugnance to Count Holck. The latter, also, did all he knew to render himself agreeable to the queen; but his exertions generally produced an opposite effect, and the prejudice against him was so strong that nothing could overpower it. On the other hand, I strove to induce the king to be polite to the queen, without considering it necessary to be so ceremonious and respectful with her as he had grown to be since his return from the foreign tour, and which often degenerated into irony, to which the queen was more susceptible than to want of attention and of familiarity between them. There was one point on which the inclinations of the king and queen agreed, and this aided the most to maintain the concord in which they afterwards lived. This consisted in the circumstance that both were excessively wearied of their mode of life at the time, and wished that they could lay aside their rank. This was the reason of many of the alterations introduced at court eventually. Count Holck had lost his credit long before the journey to Holstein, and only maintained himself by old associations, and because no one exactly tried to injure him with the king. He dealt himself the last blow, when he appointed young Hauch as page of the bed-chamber to the king, in order to supplant Warnstedt. From this time forth, the favour of the latter increased; Count Holck proposed the Holstein progress, in order, as I believe, to sustain himself, and this very thing caused his downfall.
The queen was constantly of opinion that no peace or security could be hoped for at court so long as Count Holck remained at it, although I tried to convince her that it was not advantageous for the king's character and mind to try and remove on the first favourable opportunity that offered itself those persons to whom his Majesty had granted his favour and confidence, but that it would be better that he should become thoroughly acquainted with these persons, and that this was the surest way to disarm all favourites. Moreover, I did not consider Count Holck dangerous for the king's person, because he no longer possessed any influence over the king's mind.