William is now a hard-working and well-known missionary in ——.
Found Out.—A school attendance officer quite recently met a lad who, instead of being at school, was wending his way to a public-house for a pint of beer. "How is it you are not at school, my boy?" said the man of law. "It's washing day, and I'm going for a pint of ale for my mother." He let the boy go on his errand and walked straight to the lad's house. "Good morning, Mrs. So-and-so. How is it your boy is not at school this morning?" "Ah! bless you," she says, "the poor lad's ill in bed, and has been the past two days. I'm afraid we shall never rear him, for you see he's been delicate ever sin he was born." "Can I see him?" returned the officer. "Certainly, if you'll wait a minute till I see if he's awake. He's had a bad night, and I should not like to disturb him if he's asleep." The good lady went on tiptoe to the foot of the stairs and called out very softly, "Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, are you awake?" Returning to the attendance officer she said, "You see, Mr. Schoolboard, Johnny's asleep, and it would be such a pity to disturb him." Just as she finished, in walks Johnny with the pint of beer. The old lady, to make the best of a bad job, threw up her hands and exclaimed, "My dear Johnny, how did you get out? What a bad lad to get out of the bedroom window again, after all I've said!"
A Trifle Inconsistent.—An excited woman rushed into school one morning holding a lad by the jacket collar. The moment she got inside she shouted out, "Now, master, here's a lad that's been playing the wag [truant], and I don't intend to leave this blessed spot until I see him skinned. Please, master, skin him alive! I must see him skinned!" she said. To make the best of a serious case, the master replied, "Well, I don't skin till ten o'clock, and it is only a quarter past nine yet, so you had better sit down till I'm ready." She took a seat, still holding the lad by the collar, and he went to his desk. In about five minutes she sent the boy to his class, and coming up to the master, whispered very softly into his ear: "Please, master, don't touch the poor lad, he's so delicate, you could almost blow him away with a breath!"
Johnny Worked the Clock.—"Plese Sir dont cain pore jonny he as been keping the clock agoing with a stick cos is father mendid it an it wont go now an jonny kep the clock agoing so as I would no the time so no more as it leaves me at present. ——."
Blurted Out the Truth.—A mother came with a truant one morning and said, "Please excuse my boy, he has been ill the last fortnight." The master said, "Very good, let him go to his class." The woman then turned suddenly round and, seizing the lad by the jacket, gave him a good shaking, saying at the same time, "I'll break every bone in your dirty carcase if I've to come again and tell a pack of lies like this for you."