"'Now, citizen!' said I, thinking it was about time I disclosed to Mr. Prompt who I was, and also the character of my mission, 'as you seem to be the establishment in general, and can grant such very accommodating passports, let me inform you that I, Solomon Smooth, am Mister Pierce's Minister Extraordinary, to Europe in particular.' Mr. Prompt's sharp visage now became sharper. 'Pierce,' I said, 'had commissioned me to call together all the boys, in congress at Ostend.' In testimony of what I had set forth I produced the document, at the sight of which he relieved himself of a very handsome bow, brought his lean body to a perpendicular, and, with an effort at modesty, laid aside his hat and cigar; this I regarded as creditable to the establishment. 'The governor's cum, Mas'r Prompt!' exclaimed the negro, again thrusting his full yellow face into the door. Prompt was evidently abashed at this sudden announcement.
"'I'll see the governor, if you have no objection,' said I, attempting to relieve his quandary. He replied he had none whatever; that I would find him a trump, though rather low. 'He seldom comes out of this place!' ejaculated Prompt, leading the way through an extremely narrow and crooked passage into a dark cloister-like room, lighted by a small lamp that shed a sickly light over the few antiquated pieces of furniture it contained. 'Minister Smooth will please to introduce himself!' said Mr. Prompt, ushering me into the room, and closing the door as he retired. Descrying through the pale glow of the lamp my venerable friend Buck, who was seated at a table in the centre of the room, amusing himself with the cat Prompt had so unceremoniously kicked out of his presence, he immediately recognized me; the reception I met would have done honor to companions in the Continental War, meeting after a long absence. He said Saunders and his boy Dan (that is, he was boy to Dan) had reduced his light wonderfully. Here he began pricking up the wick of the old lamp, while I drew up a seat and commenced without further ceremony disclosing the object of my visit, and making known to him some of Pierce's opinions (private) on matters in general. 'Read this carefully,' said I, handing him my instructions from the State Department. He took the document like one compelled to do a thing against his will, while I attentively watched the changes that came over his countenance as he read it. 'Indurable Pierce!' he muttered, adding a languid sigh. Then his portly figure seemed to expand, his hair to grow whiter, and his general appearance to assume a more venerable air, as he read the portion that particularly directed me to bag him, pro or con. Indeed, his crooked eye became straight with indignation, while his neck no longer retained its wonted curve. 'I have studied the man, but find I yet know little of him!' said he, recovering his usual calmness, and shaking his head significantly. I inquired if he meant Pierce. He replied, testily, in the affirmative. 'Several times has he made me cut a ridiculous figure in the eyes of the nation. I cannot disclose my true position,—he knows that, but will have me a partner to this most stupid of projects;—well, well!' Here he seemed in the act of yielding to his despondency, when to revive him I presented several private notes which I had received from Pierce, explanatory of his views with reference to the immense benefit that would accrue to the nation, and manifest destiny, from this great congress. 'Now Smooth,' continued the old man, relieving his mouth of an encumbrance, which, missing its aim, took effect in the face of the cat, which set up a fearful yell and scampered out of the room, 'although I can't understand Pierce, I have great confidence in you, and there is something so ridiculous about this affair that I feel like relieving my mind to you, which I do without prejudice. I care not to examine your confidential notes; they are doubtless of a like character with those I have myself received from him on this very subject. The man seems crazed. He has inundated me with confidential trifles about Cuba, the affairs of Europe, the Central American question, and the holding a Congress at Ostend. I am bored to death with his opinions, which, on the policy of the latter, are cheap indeed.' The old man now became exceedingly nervous; indeed, he seemed like one laboring under the first symptoms of an over-dose of Parr's Life Pills. 'Smooth! I am sacrificed; yes, sir, literally sacrificed to all his folly! The despatch bag has groaned under the very pressure of his nonsense, which I am compelled to read and commit to the flames, lest our nation should suffer by its disclosures. I have appealed to him on behalf of my conscience; I have reasoned from the depths of my experience; I have besought him to spare my reputation—and here you bring me fresh proof that it has all gone to no purpose.' I could not help pitying the venerable old man as he shrugged his shoulders, and gave such a desponding look. 'Pierce,' he continued, 'will smash the democracy before he has done, by simply making it ridiculous. Thrice have I remonstrated with him in all my power of persuasion; but it has fallen harmless at his feet, for here he is, up again and harping. He singularly argues in his private despatches that Europe being in a fuzzle generally; that England having enough to do at keeping her grumbling people quiet, and fighting her old friend Russia; that Monsieur Napoleon, the very Republican Emperor, having three large kettles of fish to fry—one in helping England to whip Russia, by which means he hoped to wipe off an old score; the second, to affect a great determination to fight for the independence of the Turks, who say they will lend a hand when they get in cash; and the third, to crush all revolutionary movements at home; and that all having enough to do in their work of protecting despotism and neglecting liberty, the time is singularly opportune for America's making one grand demonstration. Thus, he said, Pierce argued. It was all very well showing a saucy front to mankind in general, but if we undertook to bag Cuba, there must be something more than threats and war messages to back it up.' I could not throw up my commission; therefore begged my friend Buck would consider my position, and excuse in me what seemed fast. And then I had despatched my Corporal Noggs to arrange matters with Monsieur Souley, who was to play the part of engine-driver, crowding charcoal for the whole team. After the manifestation of much indecision, my friend Buck consented to go, at the same time stipulating that he should not be led by certain fast spirits. 'If I go, Smooth,' said he, 'it will be with virtuous reluctance; the whole thing is sure to come out. Further, my boy Dan (a sharp fellow he is!) has gone on a little affair respecting Cuba, by which he expects to make hit No. 1.'
"At this moment we were interrupted by the brusque figure of George Saunders appearing in the room. George instantly recognized me, and said he anticipated my mission, having received sundry private and very confidential letters from Pierce on the same subject. It seemed that Pierce and his boy Fourney had written any amount of private and confidential letters on this to be kept very secret affair. George made himself quite at home. Indeed, the uninitiated might have mistaken him and the cat for fixtures of the establishment. Calling me on one side, he begged I would consider Mr. Buckanan entirely in his hands. In order to bring his speed to the right gauge, Dan and himself had, he said, spent several months hard labor; but now he was happy to say they had found the key to his movements, and nothing more was wanting. As for Buck's presence at the Ostend convention, just leave the arranging that to him. Further, in order to make a demonstration while it was sitting, he would write an epistle to the Emperor of Austria, forewarning him of the sympathy in America for the spirits he held down in oppression. This would be a decided hit, he added, with a knowing wink. So confident was George of his mastery over the venerable old man, that I felt it would not be prejudicing Mr. Pierce's interests to leave the matter entirely in his hands: so bidding them a very good morning, I signified my intention of calling again in ten days, when I expected he would be ready to move on; if not, I should be under the painful necessity of bagging him, as directed by the State Department.
"I had left the legation, and was passing into Portland place, when, to my surprise, I was overtaken by the indomitable George, who insisted that I join him in some gin-and-bitters at the first drinking-place. To have declined George's amiability would have been immaculate folly: he always bagged his friends, precisely as Pierce directed me to bag the ambassador. Having stopped at the first crossing, as they say in Georgia, we drunk ourselves, wished Pierce much joy with his project, and parted, George saying he would turn steam on the old man, and have him all right when I called.
"Prompt to the hour, no sooner had the allotted time expired than I presented myself at the Legation with an express wagon, for the accommodation of the old man indispensable. Corporal Noggs had got the boys all right on the continent, and such a jolly time as was expected! George had evidently been screwing up the old man, for I found him in the very best humor. There he sat, portly and venerable, surrounded by boxes, carpet-bags, and trunks; all, he assured me, containing various diplomatic implements of great value. At his feet purred the cat diplomatic, as if anxious to accompany him. 'These boxes are a great trouble to me,' said the old man, getting up with some effort, and pointing to three, about two feet square each, and labelled as follows:—No. 1, 'Cuba by purchase,' below—'Copies of Correspondence with our Minister to Spain, some years ago,' at the left corner the words—'Promiscus.' No. 2. 'Cuba at any price'—underneath—'This side up, with care?' No. 3. 'Cuba of necessity, and as a link in the manifest fulfilment of destiny?'—underneath—'Handled only by the experienced porter.'
"The hall now rang loud of confusion,—the fiery-eyed cat ran screaming to the door, maids' eyes were seen wanting to weep, Prompt affected great grief,—he would be worked to death,—porters were seen carrying out the luggage, and then waited to convey the old man. Then Prompt said—the negro, as if to make the picture complete, was making all sorts of grimaces in a corner,—if Dan should by some accident return, what a deal of extra work he would make! But Smooth made up his mind that such complaints were the natural consequences of an irregular system. At last, having got boxes one, two, and three nicely cared for, we bundled in the rest of the traps, following then with the old man indispensable. Saunders being present by appointment, insisted upon his right to drive the team, and suddenly springing upon the box, seized unceremoniously the reins, and put the horses into full gallop. Increasing his speed, until it became frightful to delicate nerves, the poor old man's fears for his safety became so excited that it required all my strength to keep him from jumping out and breaking his neck, notwithstanding I had tucked him away so nicely among the boxes before starting. Down Portland place, through Oxford street, up Holborn, and down Cheapside, to the Bank (astonishing the natives as we went) we drove, and from thence to St. Katherine's Dock, where was moored the trim little steamboat chartered to convey Mr. Pierce's plenipotentiaries safe to Ostend. Buck was in a sad state of excitement when we stopped; he resembled an individual just escaped from a perilous adventure. He discharged himself clumsily from the wagon, his face undergoing singular changes of color the while, and cast a few savage glances at Saunders, who very composedly sat on the box endeavoring with might and main to suppress a vagabond laugh. 'Now, Saunders,' indistinctly sputtered the old man, as that bluff-sided individual turned upon his seat, rather knavely casting a comical glance over his shoulder, 'I'm not afraid—my courage never fails me; but that steamer don't take me to Ostend if you're a passenger! Mind that now!' Saunders lowered himself gravely from the box, and with serious countenance assured the old man that no danger could result while he drove the team. In reply to this, the old man declared that with Saunders on board a blowing-up was certain. The much-dreaded gentleman, however, soon quieted the envoy's fears by assuring him that accompanying us to Ostend was farthest from his thoughts, he having made all the necessary arrangements for throwing a bomb-shell into the camp from this side of the water, as directed by the Uncle Caleb and the boy Fourney. Boxes one, two, and three being safely on board, we supported the old governor after them—Saunders on one side, and Smooth on the other. Then the bell rang, and the steam thundered and roared, and the little craft glided on her way, Saunders waving his adieus from the wharf, and crying out at the very top of his voice—'Don't forget Cuba!' and 'go it, Buck! Go it, Smooth!!'
[CHAPTER XX.]
ARRIVAL AND GRAND RECEPTION AT OSTEND.
"Our passage was attended with extremely pleasant weather; and nothing remarkable occurred, except that the Dutch crew thought Mr. Buckhanan a very great man, and the object of his mission the overthrow of European dynasties in general. Twice they undertook to regale him with sour-krout, which he pronounced inferior to that made in York county, Pennsylvane. As to me, they declined to be convinced that I was not Governor of Kentucky, having a singular belief in the peculiarities of that State for growing long citizens—the tallest man always being elected governor. Perhaps I should have added that the Schiedam was only tolerable, the brandy bad; and that Buck, having forgotten his tobacco, was compelled to resort to very bad Dutch loggerhead, with which he kept the swabs busily employed.