January 18th. I have not written for a whole week, we have such a frantic lot of work, especially in French in which we are very backward, at least Dunker says so!! She can’t stand Madame Arnau, that’s obvious. For my part I liked Mad. Arnau a great deal better, if only because she had no pimples. And Prof. Jordan’s History class is awfully difficult, because he always makes one find out the causes for oneself; one has to learn intelligently!, but that is very difficult in History. No one ever gets an Excellent from him, except Verbenowitsch sometimes, but she learns out of a book, not our class book, but the one on which Herr Prof. J. bases his lectures. And because she reads it all up beforehand, naturally she always knows all the causes of the war and the consequences. Really consequences means something quite different, and so Hella and I never dare look at one another when he is examining us and asks: What were the consequences of this event? Of course the Herr Prof. imagined that Franke was laughing at him when she was only laughing at consequences; and it was impossible for her to explain, especially to a gentleman!!!!
January 20th. When Dora and I were coming home from skating to-day we met Mademoiselle, and I said how d’you do to her at once, and I was asking her how she (much emphasised) was getting on, when suddenly I noticed that Dora had gone on, and Mademoiselle said: “Your sister seems in a great hurry, I don’t want to detain her.” When I caught Dora up and asked her: “Why did you run away?” she tossed her head and said: “That sort of company does not suit me.” “What on earth do you mean, you were so awfully fond of Mad., and besides she is really lovely.” That’s true enough, she said; but it was awfully tactless of her to tell me of all that—you know what. Such an intimacy behind her parents’ backs cannot possibly lead to happiness. Then I got in such a fearful temper and said: “Oh do shut up. Father and Mother did not know anything about Viktor either, and you were happy enough then. It is just the secrecy that makes one so happy.” Then she said very softly: “Dear Grete, you too will change your views,” and then we did not say another word. But I was awfully angry over her meanness; for first of all she wanted to hear the whole story, although Mad. never offered to tell her, and now she pretends that she did not wish it. If I only knew where to find Mad. I would warn her. Anyhow, this day week at 7 I shall take care to be in W. Street, and perhaps I may meet her, for she probably has a private lesson somewhere in that neighborhood.
January 24th. Mother is very ill again to-day, in spite of the operation. I have decided that I won’t go on Sunday to the Brs. although Jeno will be there, and that I won’t wait about for Mademoiselle on Monday. I have not told Hella anything about this for she would probably say it was very stupid of me, but I would rather not; not because Dora has twice spoken to me pointedly about a clear conscience, but because I don’t enjoy anything when Mother is ill.
January 26th. Mother is an angel. Yesterday she asked Aunt Dora: “By the way, Dora, has Grete put a fresh lace tucker in her blue frock, ready for the Brs. to-morrow?” Then I said: “I’m not going Mother,” and Mother asked: “But why not, surely not on my account?” Then I rushed up to her and said: “I can’t enjoy anything when you are ill.” And then Mother was so awfully sweet, and she wept and said: “Such moments make one forget all pains and troubles. But really you must go, besides I’m a good deal better to-day, and to-morrow I shall be quite well again.” So I answered: “All right, I’ll go, but only if you are really well. But you must tell me honestly.” But in any case I shan’t go to meet Mademoiselle on Monday.
January 28th. It was Mathematics to-day at school, so I could not write yesterday. We had a heavenly time on Sunday. We laughed till our sides ached and Hella was nearly suffocated with laughing. Lajos is enough to give one fits; it was absolutely ripping the way he imitated the wife of Major Zoltan in the Academy and Captain Riffl. I can hardly write about it, for my hand shakes so with laughing when I think of it. And then, while Hella and Lajos were singing songs together, Jeno told me that every student in the Neustadt has an inamorata, a real one. Mostly in Vienna, but some in Wiener Neustadt though that is dangerous because of being caught. All the officers know about it, but no one must be found out. Then I told him about Oswald’s affair and he said: “Oswald was a great donkey, you’ll excuse me for saying so since he’s your brother; but really he made a fool of himself. He was only a civilian; it’s quite different in the army.” Then I got cross and said: “That’s all very well, Jeno, but you are not an officer yourself, so I don’t see how you can know anything about it.” Then he said to Hella: “I say, Ilonka, you must keep your friend in better order, she is rather inclined to be insubordinate.” She is to make a written note of every act of insubordination, and then he will administer exemplary punishment. All very fine, but it will take two to that.
January 30th. I wish I knew whether Mademoiselle really passed through W. Street again at 7 o’clock on Monday, for she certainly said very distinctly: “Au revoir, ma cherie!” She is so pretty and so pale; perhaps she is really ill, and she must be awfully nervous about — — — That would be terrible. We wonder whether she knows about certain means, but one simply can’t tell her.
February 2nd. I’ve had a wonderful idea and Hella thinks it a positive inspiration. We are going to write anonymously to Mademoiselle about those means, and Hella will write, so that no one can recognise my writing. We think something of that sort must have happened to Mademoiselle, for the other day I heard Mother say to Aunt Dora: “If we had known that, we should never have engaged her for the children; it will be a terrible thing for her parents.” And Aunt Dora said: “Yes, those are the sort of people who hide their disgrace under the water.” It seems quite clear, for disgrace means an illegitimate child. And the worst of it is, that they know that she has done that. We must help the poor thing. And that is why Dora is so indignant all of a sudden. But how can she know? there is nothing to notice yet in Mademoiselle; if there had been I should certainly have seen it, for Hella often says I’ve a keen eye for it. That is quite true, I was the first person to notice it in the maid at Prof. Hofer’s, when even Father had not noticed it.
February 4th. Well, we have written to her, at least Hella has, saying there are such means, and that she will find all the details in the encyclopedia. We have addressed it to F. M. and signed it “Someone who understands you.” Unfortunately we shall never be able to find out whether she got the letter, but the main thing is that she should.
February 7th. What a frightful lot of anxiety a letter can give one! In the interval to-day the school servant came up to me and said: Please are you Fraulein Lainer of the Third. “There is a letter for you.” I blushed furiously, for I thought, it must be from Mademoiselle, but my blushing made Frau Berger think it must be from a young man: “Really I ought to give it to the head mistress; I am not allowed to deliver any letters to the pupils, but in your case I will make an exception. But please remember if it happens again I shall have to hand it in to the office.” Then I said: “Frau Berger, I am quite certain it is not from a gentleman, but from a young lady,” and when she gave it to me I saw directly that it really was not from a gentleman but only from Ada! It really is too stupid of her! At the New Year she reproached me for having broken my word, and now she begs me to enquire at the Raimund Theatre or at the People’s Theatre whether Herr G. is there; she says she can’t live without him in St. P. But in the holidays she told me that she was not in love with him, that for her he was only a means to an end. I’m absolutely certain she said that. Nothing will induce me to go to enquire at a theatre office, and Hella says too that to make such a suggestion is a piece of impudence. I shall just write her an ordinary letter, telling her what a row she might have got me into at school. I really think Ada has a bee in her bonnet, as Father always says.
February 10th. I never heard of such a thing! I was sent for to the office to-day because the school servant had complained that on two occasions I had thrown down some orange peel at the entrance. It’s quite true that I did drop one piece there yesterday, but I pushed it out of the way with my foot into the corner, and as for any other time I know nothing about it. But I see which way the wind is blowing. Frau Berger thought I would give her some money for that letter; just fancy, how absurd, money for a letter like that, I wouldn’t give 20 kreuzer for such a letter. But since then she’s been in a frightfully bad temper, I noticed it on Wednesday when we were wiping our shoes at the door. What I said to the head was: “It happened only once, and I kicked the peel into the corner where no one could tread on it, but I certainly did not do it twice, and Bruckner can confirm what I say.” Then the head said: “Oh well, we need not make a state affair of it, but the next time you drop something, please pick it up.” Frau Berger is furious, and all we girls in our class have decided that while we won’t make more mess than we need, still, we shan’t be too particular. If any one of us happens to drop a piece of paper she will just let it lie. Such cheek, one really can’t stand it!