Private —— was known to all his chums as “the early bird,” probably because it was an exact description of the very opposite to what he really was, for “the early bird” was always late, the last man to get out of bed at reveille and the last man on parade, and when his regiment sailed for France his chums declared that he was the last into the transport ship and the last out of it.
When his regiment was doing its spell in the trenches “the early bird” was sent for by his officer, and as he was creeping along the trench towards the dug-out a stray bullet caught him in the shoulder, just as he was outside the officer’s shelter.
After seeing that he wasn’t seriously wounded, the officer exclaimed, with a twinkle in his eye, “If you had just been a second earlier you would have missed that.”
“I would, sir,” returned Private ——, “or if I had been a second later it would have missed me.”
INTERRUPTED REPAST
A Territorial on guard one night was walking up and down his beat in a business-like way when one of his chums brought him some pudding, which he was very pleased to get.
He was sitting down in the sentry-box, eating it, when the general of his regiment came up to him in civilian clothes.
The Territorial carried on with his pudding, not noticing the general.
The general said:—