1159. An impudent fellow met an unfortunate person who was blessed with a very red nose, and who also squinted; making a stop and looking at him hard, the gentleman asked the reason of his gazing at him, Truly (was the rude answer) if your eyes were matches, your nose would undoubtedly set them on fire.
1160. An attorney riding into the country, was asked what news he brought, and answered, Nothing, but that Marriot (a great eater) was reported to have lost his appetite; to which another answered, Pray God a poor man meets not with it, for if he does it will utterly undo him.
1161. One Brown, of Oxford, ringing in one of the belfrys of the said city, the clapper of the bell he was ringing fell upon his head, and almost killed him; an arch young student seeing his mischance, and conceiving the wound incurable, wrote over against the place where the accident happened, these verses:
Here lies John Brown, the University capper,
That lived by the bell, and died by the clapper.
But Brown recovering, and seeing these verses, wrote underneath—
John Brown’s alive, and lives in hope
To live by the bell, when thou diest by the rope.
1162. A gentleman bought some articles upon trust at a shop, promising the master that he would owe him so much money for them; the tradesman was therewith contented, but finding that the gentleman delayed the payment, he demanded his money. The gentleman told him he had not promised to pay him; he had, indeed, promised to owe him so much money, and he would in no way break from his word, which, if he paid him, he must do.
1163. One asked why B stood before C? Because, said another, a man must B, before he can C.