1164. How long is the longest letter in the English alphabet, said D’Orsay to Alvanley the other day? An L long to be sure, was the answer.
1165. One said, physicians had the best of it, because they lived by other men’s pains—meaning the griefs and diseases of their patients.
1166. One was saying, he wondered why the people in Ethiopia did not write straight along as the northern people do; he was answered, it was no wonder, for they write under the line, and that is the reason.
1167. The Lord Cecil (who was rather crooked) having gone to much expense in building a superb house, an ingenious architect viewing it room after room, said, there was one great fault committed, which could not be amended. He was desired to explain himself. Why, there is not one room in this house in which his lordship can stand upright.
1168. A gentleman being entreated to stand godfather to one of his tenant’s children, granted the request, having no children of his own. The child, growing up, he was sent to visit his godfather, in the hopes he would do something for him. Upon his arrival his godfather asked him how his father and mother did? Very well in health, replied the child, but my father has so many children, he can hardly provide bread for us. Child, was the answer, God never sends mouths but he sends meat. It may be so, godfather, answered the child, but I think God has sent the mouths to our house, and the meat to you. This witty answer so pleased the old gentleman, that he took the child and brought him up as his own.
1169. Glovers get their living by cutting purses, and yet are never punished for it.
1170. King James removing once from Whitehall to Greenwich house, to take his pleasure, the constables were commanded to guard several passages, to hinder the concourse of people flocking thither: amongst many gentlemen stopped was one rather meanly dressed, who was asked to what lord he belonged? To the Lord Jehovah, he readily answered. The wise constable not catching the meaning, asked his companions if they knew any such lord. To which they replied, There is none such belonging to the court. The constable, unwilling to give offence, replied, Well, I believe it is some Scotch lord or other, so let him pass.
1171. A person holding an argument with a grocer concerning matters of trade, the grocer’s wife bid him give over arguing, for she was sure her husband could show a thousand reasons [raisins] to his one.
1172. One said painters were cunning fellows, for they had a colour for everything they did.
1173. Mr. Derrick being asked his opinion of a young rake at Bath, who went under the denomination of a knowing one, said, he did not pretend to any great skill in physiognomy, but he believed he could venture to pronounce that the young gentleman would one day be fixed in a very exalted station.