1242. I am going to write a work upon Popular Ignorance, said a young man to a much older person: I know no one more competent, was the reply.
1243. Walpole once persuaded Mrs. Kerwood not to go home by water, because it would be damp after the rain.
1244. Lord Hartington asked the Governor of Rome, what they had determined about the vessel that the Spaniards had taken under the cannon of Civita Vecchia, whether they had restored it to the English? The governor said, They had done justice. His lordship replied, If you had not, we should have done it ourselves.
1245. The late Duchess of Bolton resolved upon going to China, when Whiston told her the world would be burnt in three years.
1246. A gentleman coming into a church, where was none of the best music in the world, hearing them sing, “Have mercy upon us miserable sinners.” Ay, said he, they might very well have said, Have mercy upon us miserable singers.
1247. A humorous schoolmaster, one morning as he was washing his hands, called one of his higher boys to him, and said, Here boy, what is the Latin for a ladder? The youth answered, Scala. Fye, fye, quoth the schoolmaster, what an asinego you are! prithee tell me, what is the Latin for a lad? Adolescens, replied the boy. Very well, and cannot you form the comparative degree of that? Adolescentior, said the boy. Ay, ay, now thou hast done it like a scholar indeed.
1248. A country baker having occasion to call at the house of a certain justice of the peace, as he was riding out through a great court, saw a parcel of fat geese, and, catching up one, whipped it into his basket. The justice by chance espying him from one of the windows, called after him, saying, Bak-er, bak-er. To which the baker replied, I will, sir, I will, sir, and rode away as fast as he could. Some days after, the justice sent a warrant for him, and demanded of him how he dare carry away his goose in that manner? To which he replied, I have done nothing but what your worship commanded me, for your worship bid me bake-her, and that I have done in a good pie, and drank your worship’s health at the eating of it. The justice, for the jest’s sake, excused the baker.
1249. A Welchman having been to London, his friends, according to custom, on his return, demanded of him what news? He answered, That he knew little news; he had only observed one strange thing there, that every little boy of five or six years old could speak English perfectly, which he thought very strange; because, in his country, they learn to speak it, as in England they learn to speak French.
1250. A ship being in a storm at sea, was in great danger; whereupon, the captain commanded every man to throw into the sea his heaviest things. A passenger, who had his wife, then offered to throw her overboard; but the crew saved her, and asked him whether he was mad to try and throw her overboard; who answered, She is the heaviest thing I have, and I can best spare her. I assure you, she has long been a heavy burthen to me; I pray, therefore, let me throw her over.