"Hoo dae ye mak' that oot?" questioned Sandy.
"Weel," said Donald, "ye see, if ye're smokin' yer ain bacca ye're thinkin' o' the awfu' expense, an' if ye're smokin' some ither body's, yer pipe's ramm't sae tight it winna draw."
A Scotchman had been presented with a pint flask of rare old Scotch whisky. He was walking briskly along the road toward home, when along came a Ford which he did not side-step quite in time. It threw him down and hurt his leg quite badly. He got up and limped down the road. Suddenly he noticed that something warm and wet was trickling down his leg.
"Oh, God," he groaned, "I hope that's blood!"
During the fighting a Highlander had the misfortune to get his head blown off.
A comrade communicated the sad news to another gallant Scot, who asked, anxiously:
"Where's his head? He was smoking ma pipe."