THERMOMETER
Hotel men cannot be niggardly. They must not imitate old Cornelius Husk. Old Corn Husk, you know, saw his boy the other day carrying the thermometer from the kitchen out into the yard.
"Watcha doin' wi' thet thar thermometer, boy?" he asked.
"I wanter git the difference in temperacher, pop, betwixt inside and outside," the son answered.
"Wall, quit it," snapped old Corn Husk, "Keepin' the mercury runnin' up and down the tube like that, fust thing ye know the durn thing'll be worn out, and long'll go twenty-five cents for another thermometer."
THIEVES
He was a very small boy, and the apples he was eyeing were very large. He eyed them for ten minutes, longingly and furtively, while the greengrocer bustled about serving customers. Now he edged near the tempting basket. Now he edged away again. And at last the greengrocer thought it time to intervene.
"Now then, Tommy," he exclaimed, "what are you doing?"