BAPTISTS
The mayor of a tough border town is about to engage a preacher for the new church.
"Parson, you aren't by any chance a Baptist, are you?"
"Why, no, not necessarily. Why?"
"Well, I was just agoin' to say we have to haul our water twelve miles."
BARGAINS
A thin, anemic woman was accosted by her friend on the street: "Why, Mary, how pale and thin you look! I thought you were going south for your health."
"I was," said Mary, "but my doctor has offered me such a lovely bargain in operations—a major operation for one thousand dollars—and of course I can't resist that."
"How much vas dose collars?"