—Kipling.
CORPULENCE
A very fat old lady who got stuck in the door of a car could get neither out nor in.
"Sideways, ma'am. Try sideways," the conductor shouted helpfully.
"Oh, drat the feller," panted the old lady. "I ain't got no sideways."
"Excuse me, madam, would you mind walking the other way and not passing the horse?" said an English cabman, with exaggerated politeness, to the fat woman who had just paid a minimum fare, with no fee.
"Why?" she inquired.
"Because if 'e sees wot 'e's been carrying for so little money 'e'll 'ave a fit," was the freezing answer.