"Artemus Ward."
PROVIDING FOR BILLS.—373.
Two city merchants conversing upon business at the door of the New York Coffee-house, one of them made some remarks on the badness of the times; and perceiving at the moment a flight of pigeons passing over their heads, he exclaimed, "How happy are those pigeons! they have no acceptances to provide for." To which the other replied, "You are rather in error, my friend, for they have their bills to provide for as well as we!"
GENERAL LEE AND A SON OF ERIN.—374.
When General Lee was a prisoner at Albany he dined with an Irishman. Before entering upon the wine, the general remarked to his host, that after drinking he was apt to abuse Irishmen, for which he hoped the host would excuse him in advance. "By my soul, general, I will do that," said his host, "if you will excuse a trifling fault which I have myself. It is this: whenever I hear a man abusing old Ireland, I have a sad fault of cracking his head with my shillaly!" The general was civil during the rest of the evening.
THE NIAGARA FALLS FROM FOUR POINTS OF VIEW.—375.
Mr. G. A. Sala, describing the Niagara Falls, says:—"A Swiss watchmaker observed that he was very glad 'de beautiful ting was going.' He looked upon it as some kind of clockwork arrangement, which would run down and be wound up again. Everybody knows the story of the 'cute Yankee who called it 'an almighty water privilege.' It is one, and would turn all the mill-wheels in the world. 'Here creation's done its d—dest,' remarked another; and, quoth a fourth, 'I guess this hyar suckles the ocean sea considerable.'"
LOGIC OF CONGRESS.—376.
The House of Representatives at Washington has passed, by a majority of seven to one, a resolution which, after stating the existence of rebellion, runs thus:—"Resolved, that it is the political, civil, moral, and sacred duty of the poople to meet it, fight it, and for ever destroy it, thereby establishing perfect and unalterable liberty."