He—"If you could only have two wishes come true, what would you wish for?"
She (frankly)—"Well, I'd wish for a husband."
He—"That's the only one."
She—"I'd save the other wish until I saw how he turned out."
Well! Well!
"I say, who was here with you last night?"
Only Myrtle, father."
"Well, tell Myrtle that she left her pipe on piano."
Fifty-Fifty
A man from Toronto reported that an African resident of that city did a rattling business in rabbit sausages, until some of his customers began to question the quality of the goods. A committee waited on the merchant, and asked him if any meat other than that of rabbits went into the sausages. He reluctantly admitted that there was another meat in them, and when pressed further said that the dilution was by means of horse meat. The chairman of the committee then asked him the proportion of the two ingredients, and he said fifty-fifty. The committee started to withdraw when a heretofore silent member raised the question as to what the merchant meant by "fifty-fifty." "Why, boss, by fifty-fifty ah means one rabbit and one hawss."