"Why should a young man never raise his straw hat to a lady?"
"Because it is never felt."
Jones—"Well, we had an addition to our family yesterday."
Smith—"You don't say so? Boy or girl?"
Jones—"Neither. It's my wife's mother."
Diner—"Hello! waiter, where is that ox-tail soup?"
Waiter—"Coming, sir—half a minute."